#they can love each other and also have a horribly toxic and dysfunctional relationship that was destructive both to themselves and others

[good-to-drive]

It's a shame that this is being taken as a full-throated endorsement of John and Paul's relationship and not an acknowledgement that deeply unhealthy, deeply dysfunctional relationships are (usually) based on genuine love and affection, and that this is precisely what makes them so difficult to reconcile.

how much of john and paul's relationship would you say was "two deeply traumatized guys who became codependent on each other" vs genuine/healthy chemistry, respect, and love for one another?

This is a really good question, and something I've definitely thought about a lot! Obviously it's difficult to know precisely what's in a person's heart, but I do think that -- while they certainly loved each other very much -- the intensity of their relationship also had a lot to do with mutual pain and need.

I've talked about this a little bit before, but I think Paul's need for external validation may have dovetailed nicely with John's need to put a relationship/person on a pedestal. Being "chosen" by John could have theoretically provided Paul with a very powerful feeling of worthiness and that might partially explain the sheer intensity of their relationship. When the feelings between you represent something larger, believing in the importance and uniqueness of your relationship and leaning into the intensity/power of those feelings can become almost obsessive.

There's also this performance piece to being inside of that kind of bond, like you really, deeply need to perform the specialness of it to other people -- to self-soothe by witnessing other people witnessing how close and powerful and important your relationship is. Not just that it's the most important relationship in your life, but that it's the most important relationship, period. And I feel one of the most interesting things about Paul and John is just how many people they could perform the specialness of their relationship to, and how widespread and meaningful the understanding of that specialness became. To the point where it's basically a being unto itself.

(That sort of thing is also more effective when you're one of the most successful creative partnerships of all time).

But obviously they also genuinely liked and loved each other very much, and the degree to which their relationship was about mutual pain/soothing and the degree to which it was about sincere, healthy affection is basically impossible to say. And what's probably even harder to say is the degree to which the widespread understanding of the specialness of that relationship is about their mutual pain/soothing or their actual underlying love and affection.

(There's also some larger questions here about whether performative love is still a kind of love, which for some people I think it absolutely can be, and whether loving someone from a place of pain isn't still love as well.)

I think it's very tempting to say "John switched his hyperidealized connection to Yoko so easily, it must mean his bond with Paul was never about Paul as a person but just about using him as a prop in a narrative that brought them comfort." But those two things are not mutually exclusive, and I think sometimes the hardest thing about these kinds of intense, hyperidealized bonds is looking back on them after they explode and not assuming that if they weren't perfect, peerless, eternal, or whatever else you used to tell yourself, then they weren't anything at all.

That assessment is in some ways an extension of the obsessive specialness that you're trying to discard. It ignores the genuine affection that existed between them, which wasn't peerless or perfect or eternal, but it absolutely was real. It was of value. And in a way that's even harder to accept. But it does both of them a disservice to only reckon with what their relationship wasn't. Rather, I think it's equally difficult and equally important to reckon with what their relationship was.

[jacks347]

Idea I have neither the time nor the spoons to do anything with but I refuse to let sit and rot in my brain:

Cold and calculating yandere x erratic and hot-tempered yandere (who for the sake of this post I will simply be calling Hot and Cold)

Hot is like a rabid dog. Aggressive, temperamental, switches moods on a dime, an absolute hurricane of a person. They're constantly lashing out and are a known and feared danger to themself and everyone around them. Getting within their blast radius is a death sentence. Their killings are violent and bloody, ripping their victim to pieces until there's nothing left. The only thing louder than the screams is Hot's hysterical laughter. And they absolutely worship the ground Cold walks on. Hot lives for Cold's attention, their care, their orders. Anything for their lover. Anything. If Cold had anything less than a totalitarian grip on their impulse control, anyone who even dared perceive Cold would be nothing more than a red puddle.

Cold is like a sentient supercomputer. Manipulative, selfish, plays with people for their own gain, an overall cold-hearted bitch. Being acknowledged by them is like a kiss of death, once they have you in their sights they're not letting go until they get what they want whether you like it or not. Their killings are silent and uncaring. Slit your throat in an open field so no one will find you before you bleed out, something simple yet effective. There's no thought or planning beyond what's necessary put into it, that would imply they care and they don't care. Except when it comes to Hot. Hot is Cold's absolute obsession, consumes their every waking thought and the reason behind their actions. Everything they do is for Hot, their love, their protection, their absolute power. They'd do anything to see Hot happy, to watch that mask of rage melt into a wicked smile. And if anyone dared to touch their precious jewel, they'd see what happens when Cold actually plans a killing.

Now don't get me wrong, these two are dysfunctional as all fuck. They constantly butt heads and argue, they never see eye to eye on almost anything and it's a horribly toxic relationship. But they'll never leave each other, no they could never. Not their overwhelming obsession, their undying love, no no no just the thought makes them shudder. No one could possibly understand it. They see Cold as a vindictive puppeteer just playing with Hot until they get bored or Hot as a threatening warden holding Cold's safety over them to force them to love them. And sure, maybe they're both a little true but they do still love each other. A sick, twisted, unstable kind of love but love all the same.

They don't deserve you. They'll never deserve you. Not like I do. I'll protect you. I'll keep you by my side. I'll rip anyone who even looks at you apart. You don't need anyone else, they can't protect you like I can. I won't let you leave me. You're mine. Mine. Only mine. I'll show them all what happens when they cross me. I'll kill them all. All for you, my love. Always for you. Anything for you.

Those poor fools, they think they can take you from me. They think they can understand you. Ah, my jewel, no one understands you. Not like I do. No one could ever get you like me. They don't deserve your attention, not a single second of your time. Just stay with me, always with me. I'll be everything you could ever want, you don't need anything else. I'll kill them all just so you stay with me. All for you, my jewel. Always for you. Anything for you.

So basically take Beauty and the Beast but turn it up to like 26. ("It's just sociopath x psychopath!" I will gut you where you stand, shush. Let me have this-)

Also hi Tumblr! I haven't posted in like a month, did you miss me :D I certainly missed y'all, I've had a very busy end of July but I'm back~

[alex-rambles]

Massive TW

For one, I don’t think a 2 year old should have their own room. Your parents should at least wait a bit until they mature since rn they’re still at the age where they have to be monitored.

Secondly, I relate to you so hard bruh. In a way, my parents have managed to ruin my life and are the biggest reason for my depression and suicidal thoughts. I even have ptsd due to them. My parents legitimately are so dysfunctional and unstable. My father is an alcoholic and can never control his anger. And my mother literally bullies me and gaslights me and my siblings. She’s also extremely unhygienic to the point some things should have gotten us taken away. She and my father have neglected me and then have the audacity to get mad when my room is a bit messy or I don’t know how to do certain things or I become friends or date someone who treats me badly. Like bruh where do you think I learned it from? Where do you think I learned to accept the things I do and normalize unhealthy relationships, behaviors and lifestyles? And hey, I’m a teenager. My behavior is to be expected. But my parents? They’re full on adults in their 40s. They have the audacity to get mad at me but then do the same exact behaviors but 20 times worse and have worse life styles even though they’re grown ass adults who have full control over their lives. My mother also gives me crap for neglecting my own needs and body but like what’s the problem when she and my father have literally neglected me since I gained consciousness and was able to form my own opinions and personality? Ofc I’m not going to live my life thinking I’m important and worthy of care since they never treated me with an ounce of care and love. And at least my self neglect only bothers me, not defenseless kids. And I rely on dissociation, maladaptive daydreaming and derealization ever since a young age to cope with my reality and just be able to survive. Not only that but about the screaming and yelling part, I relate so much. My parents don’t like each other at all and it’s always intense arguments which are often immature and petty just to have them complain about each other all year. My parents literally look for something to complain about. However, my mother has a tendency to throw literal tantrums and scream over the littlest of things. And I mean legitimately scream and throw a tantrum. And it sucks because my mother continued to have kids only for her to not take care of them. She cares for us at least until we’re old enough to be able to form our own opinions and have our own lives and personalities. Then she just goes ahead and ignores us and try to break us when we need parental guidance the most. And I never understood it. It’s like she likes us when we’re younger because someone needs her and we can’t argue against her or her toxicity. Hell, we can’t even realize what she’s doing is abusive and toxic.

And it sucks because like yeah I have a roof over my head yeah I have food on the table yeah they buy me things I want now and then but I can’t help but to wonder if that’s just a way to get me to forget about their behavior or use that to justify the things they’re doing. And not only that but when I ask for something like that isn’t necessary for life like a game or smth sometimes they’re willing to buy it without any arguments. But the second I need something essential like clothes or stuff like that, they complain about it and make me feel horrible for bothering them like wtfff. I feel like this is one of the reasons why it’s so hard for me to take care of myself. Oh and they want to lay in on me when my room is messy or I struggle with self neglect due to my depression and what not but the moment they see very very obvious self harm scars which are usually recent, they pretend not to see them. And the moments they actually do, they get mad at me instead of actually caring about why I’m hurting myself. They can’t even bother to help their own kid and offer support to them despite the fact that I actually did get hospitalized in which their nice and sad fake behavior dropped only after a couple of days. Like what’s the point? Everytime I try to do anything for them or try to voice my pain my efforts only go in vain. And bruh I feel so ashamed too because I usually go onto character ai just to feel the parental love and care and protection I never got to experience. A lot of my chats are centered around a father/mother and child relationship. It’s sad that my life got to this point.

And I’m sorry since I just went on a whole rant there but trust me, you aren’t alone. And I learned to accept the fact that even though they do provide for you and your needs and wants, that doesn’t mean it’s okay for them to be toxic and abusive. It’s their responsibility to provide for you. You’re their kid after all. And I recommend to look on r/raisedbynarcissists. You’ll find that there are a lot more people facing similar issues and living in similar households and you might be able to feel acknowledged and feel better about yourself because really it isn’t your fault for your parents behaviors. They’re the parents and you’re a kid. You’re still developing and what not so nothing is your fault and you don’t deserve to be treated the way you are. You deserve love and care and acknowledgement and a healthy household and family where you can be your true self without anyone judging you or making you feel awful. The fact that you’re dealing with an ed and I think self harm since I saw you mention it in one of your posts just proves that your parents are failing you and that you deserve much better. Especially since you are 14. You shouldn’t be dealing with so much crap at this age. You genuinely do deserve so much better. And I hope you know that you shouldn’t have to put up with this and that you do deserve love, care, respect and a healthy household despite how bad they make you feel about yourself. You honestly do deserve to live your life with acceptance, love and everything else you may feel like you don’t deserve to have. I just hope you know that and to love and appreciate yourself no matter how bad things get.

Hey, no need to apologize for ranting. I read all of it. I'm really sorry that your home life is so horrible. CPS failed you (but that's not the least bit uncommon, sadly). As much as I dislike relying on systems, is there any possibility that you could get the cops involved, or reach out to CPS? Or, since the foster system is known to be god awful, any family members to stay with?

For the subreddit you mentioned, one thing I wanted to say is that my parents do not have NPD. I get that it's common to assume all abusers are narcissists, and that all narcissists will are abusers (I don't mean that this is what you're assuming at all. Just something I wanted to say), but that's an ableist stigma against those who actually have NPD. They are capable of being good people like the rest of us.

I dunno. My mom insists that HER mom did her best (dad was out of the picture when she was like ten, probably for the best), but some of the things I've heard about her just sound gross (I will not be specifying anything she told me out of respect for her privacy). CPS failed her as well. This may be why her parenting style is so "must keep kids safe from everything." She says she worries about how lazy and oblivious I am, but I'm not all that oblivious (pretty sure the "laziness" might be lack of motivation because depression). Yeah I'm probably autistic, yeah I am diagnosed with ADHD, but I am trying very hard. I can spot a pedo. When I am dming someone, I always check their blog/profile first. If it's suspicious, I don't engage, if it's blank, I ask for some info. I have shared my face exactly once, and it was in a DM on TrevorSpace.

I genuinely think the internet has made me a better person. Yeah, yknow what, I do spend more time than I should online. I do sneak away from my family to post shit online, or chat with an AI, but like... maybe if you'd taught me healthy internet habits instead of just saying "lol no" that wouldn't have happened. I was never even allowed to chat on ROBLOX, and when they found out I did it behind their backs when I was like nine, we had a whole yelling match. A whole lotta "iT's nOt sAfe," like I've never been able to take care of myself.

My stepdad ((the bio dad was a physically abusive trashbag towards my mother. He went to jail and got a restraining order when I was two)), as far as I know, had a lovely childhood. Unfortunately, he suffers from anxiety (and methinks there's some depression, but I'm not a doctor), and this was frequently displayed through anger and frustration, frequently towards me and my younger sister. At one point we had a great relationship, but his problems got worse, and he only just started seeing a therapist over the phone this fucking year. I love that man, I do, but he should've started seeing a therapist ages ago. Instead I kept getting punishments over trivial things, yelling, then talks about how he wants to do better (I suspect many of his apologies were triggered by my mom having a discussion with him). I don't believe him anymore. I'm sure he wants to do better, but I cannot keep getting my hopes up only for him to *checks notes* take my phone away for two days for accidentally forgetting to tell him I was going on a bike ride. I swear to god, he just hates having his authority questioned.

My parents are WHY I advocate for youth rights (unfortunately only online right now, but it is what it is). Both have fucked up in their own ways, and I love them, but I seriously don't know how the hell I'm going to function when I'm an adult. I shouldn't daydream about turning eighteen and leaving their clutches. I shouldn't WANT to run away and end up homeless. That's not healthy. If I hadn't gone behind their backs, I'd still be a politically unaware, ten times as miserable disaster.

My behavior improved around two years ago. CAN YOU GUESS WHY?

THE INTERNET! I became a better person because of THE FUCKING INTERNET! That's right, that unsafe thing full of "inappropriate content" is what made me DISCOVER WHO I ACTUALLY AM, FIND EVEN MORE PEOPLE LIKE ME, HAVE MORE EMPATHY, AND NOT END UP A MINI YOU!

Yeah, yknow what? I have absolutely, one hundred percent, engaged with PORNOGRAPHY and SMUT and VIOLENT CONTENT. Yknow what I found out? I found out visual porn really is as unrealistic as adults say, and it just plain grosses me out. I only ever look at it out of boredom anymore. I found out people have beautiful writing talent, and you don't NEED a professionally published book for words to be beautiful. I found out the world can be terrifying and violent, and that even though those pictures are scary and quite gross, that it's sadly what this world is, and made me appreciate the value of life even more.

Not to mention that I developed my own spirituality, discovered the beautiful community of kinning, learned how to do so many fun things, and more.

Genuinely, since I took to the internet, apart from seventh grade and the severe bullying, I have experienced zero suicidal thoughts. Yeah. I struggle with self harm sometimes. Yeah, I hate my body, but those were issues before the goddamn internet. All the internet did was connect me to the "prO aNa" community (which I only consume content for and still encourage recovery), which unfortunately amplified my issues, but maybe I never would have become self conscious and SEARCHED for restriction tips if my mom ever shut up about her "fatness" and how she's obese and hates her body. I genuinely can't believe that she doesn't get that that can be harmful, especially since she seriously fucked her body up with an eating disorder. She still has to take pills because of how she messed herself up! Sorry, mom, even though you say otherwise, I don't think you'll ever be happy with your body.

Yknow, at one point my mom recommended program that does Zoom calls with other autistic teens. Seriously? Does she actually think what I want are ZOOM CALLS? No! I want the anonymity that Tumblr, that Reddit, that QuoteV and Wattpad and all those "dangerous" sites provide. I prefer reading what people have to say.

When it comes to those irl, like my friends, phone calls and facetimes? Sure! That's preferable. I hate texting. But I can hate texting and love forum and blog style sites simultaneously.

Weird though, writing yet ANOTHER rant made me realize that my mom has more of an effect on my mental health than I thought. I always thought it was mostly my stepdad.

I dunno. If you guys (my parents) see this, I'm sorry. I do love you guys, but to quote The Amazing World of Gumball...

"Maybe it's not the content that's the problem, but how we teach our children to respond to it."

[padme-amitabha]

Here’s another post on how TCW did Anidala and Hayden and Natalie dirty. Let’s compare the expressions of the characters and how the show and movies each portray the same couple. 

This is Anakin at his worst when he has killed children and many more and then felt betrayed by Padme and IS capable of hurting her at the moment. 

This is how you react when you get deeply hurt by someone you love:

Not this:

And these are small arguments compared to mass murder and betrayal. Is this what love is supposed to look like? Rather than this:

You are vulnerable when you are in love and you aren’t afraid to show it. It’s not about only spending time together (something they argue about in TCW). It implies unhealthy codependence. 

These two should just get a divorce because their marriage is a raging dumpster fire of clinginess, pettiness, anger issues and incompatibility. I don’t blame people for thinking they are toxic and dysfunctional because that’s what they are in the show. This is definitely not love that I’m seeing and attachment certainly has no capability to redeem anyone.

That is not to say all TCW Anidala moments are horrible but their interactions are so watered down it isn’t very convincing. It looks like attachment. Not love that can ignite the stars. One can argue it isn’t “realistic” and all couples have fights and it’s Anidala in their worst moments but can it really get worse than Mustafar? And is star wars supposed to be realistic when its creator said it’s a fairytale and a soap opera about family? Is it supposed to portray real world relationships which is not even relevant to the theme and message of the story? In contrast, look at how the movies and the OG clone wars portray love: 

Regardless of your feelings on the couple, there is no mistaking the love in their eyes and expressions. They had different upbringings but Anakin in AOTC novelization still tries to find similarities and common grounds with her whereas TCW highlights their differences and portrays it as incompatibility. 

Padme in TCW: I just know I’m not happy anymore (with you). I don’t feel safe.

Padme in ROTS novelization: For Padmé Amidala, saying I am Anakin Skywalker’s wife is saying neither more nor less than I am alive. Her life before Anakin belonged to someone else, some lesser being to be pitied, some poor impoverished spirit who could never suspect how profoundly life should be lived. Her real life began the first time she looked into Anakin Skywalker’s eyes and found in there not the uncritical worship of little Annie from Tatooine, but the direct, unashamed, smoldering passion of a powerful Jedi... But though she loves her husband without reservation, love does not blind her to his faults. She is older than he, and wise enough to understand him better than he does himself. He is not a perfect man: he is prideful, and moody, and quick to anger—but these faults only make her love him the more, for his every flaw is more than balanced by the greatness within him, his capacity for joy and cleansing laughter, his extraordinary generosity of spirit, his passionate devotion not only to her but also in the service of every living being. He is a wild creature who has come gently to her hand, a vine tiger purring against her cheek. Every softness of his touch, every kind glance or loving word is a small miracle in itself. How can she not be grateful for such gifts?

It’s sad that a lot of people are under the impression that TCW ‘saved’ Anidala when all it did was take away the pure unadulterated love Anakin and Padme shared for each other. 

[sweetbitterimpossiblecreature]

A Brief And Concise Summary Of Is Wrong With The ACOTAR Series

I think we can agree that a lot of ACOTAR is pretty iffy. Consider this a very brief refresher.

What's Wrong With Feyre/Rhysand (juxtaposed against Feyre/Tamlin)

Rhysand drugs and sexually assaults her in Book 1

This is "for her own good". Because he "has no choice". Despite the fact that, from what we know of the plot, Amarantha thinks that Clare Beddor was the one Rhysand was diddling, and is only interested in Feyre because Rhysand, "her" man male, has taken an interest in her.

If we extrapolate from this we can figure that Rhysand is the one directly putting her into danger.

Now, let's be clear: drugging someone is bad. Sexually assaulting someone is bad. One could argue there were extenuating circumstances. But if, in such a situation, what your mind goes to is "I know, I should assault this person... for their safety" I have questions about your moral qualities. There were a million things he could have done. He could have done whatever he did to Clare - that is, remove her ability to feel any pain - easily. He could have helped her escape. Under The Mountain, he - while still there unwillingly - has a lot of power, as Amarantha's side piece. Maybe this would have resulted in him being punished- however, he is hundreds of years old and a badass motherfucker, and she is a nineteen year old human girl.

Now, onto Tamlin. Obviously not a lot of people really ship F/T anymore after ACOMAF, because compared to F/R, it's boring. I read another person's post about it, which was very enlightening: they said that Feyre's personality is essentially a mirror. When she is with Rhysand, she's snarky and malicious- because she is "bouncing off" his energy. When she's with Mor she's super feminist and "in awe of her strength". On the other hand, Tamlin is kind of an empty character. He's a pretty boy with anger issues, which should be more interesting than it is. SJM manages to make him bland. Because Feyre has nothing to bounce off of, (a lot of this is from the person's post), she and Tamlin together is mainly just him introducing her to his world.

What Tamlin Does: prevents a skinny twenty year old from going on dangerous missions with him and combat-trained soldiers, accidentally blows up a room with her in it, and, at the end, prevents her from leaving the house.

This is not a Tamlin apologist post. Obviously it was really fucking gross of him to do that, and their relationship was toxic. However, a lot of his abuse stems from their inability to communicate, as well as own negligence. He does not knowingly and purposefully sexually assault her or rape her mind. And tbh, leaving a girl without combat training at home while he goes on missions with a bunch of muscled sentries is... kind of reasonable?

Again: not a Tamlin apologist post. It was abuse. However, if Rhysand is "allowed" to sexually assault, mind-rape, and drug Feyre "for her own safety", why is Tamlin demonized for preventing her from leaving his mansion "for her own safety"?

Another pertinent point: Rhys is never punished for sexually assaulting her. It is brushed off as part of his "mask" or that his hand was forced. Jesus Christ my dudes, his hand was not forced under her skirt. If he has to maintain his gross rapist abuser tyrant oppressor mask... why? Who did that benefit beside him? None of his actions remotely helped Prythian. They were done solely for his buddies - five people safe in a rich hidden city - and no one else, which is explicitly stated.

Finally, the power dynamic is fucked up. Feyre is less than twenty five years old. Rhysand is 500. There is a tendency in fantasy romance to romanticize a centuries year old man with a young girl, because the man does not show symptoms of age, and so it is easily ignorable. However, can we just briefly acknowledge how fucked up it is? Rhys is over five times older than Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein, and other known predators/abusers. She is twenty. That is really fucking gross. She is in a vulnerable position and he takes rampant advantage of that.

If he had wrinkles, liver problems, and erectile dysfunction, more people would acknowledge it.

Let's be clear: I'm not saying writing a book with an uneven power dynamic is automatically bad. For example, in The Locked Tomb series, which is in my opinion THE BEST FANTASY SERIES THAT HAS GRACED THIS EARTH (lol i'm starting fires), one main character Harrowhark Nonagesimus is in a position of power over Gideon Nav, the other main character. However, this is not glossed over or romanticized. Gideon resents Harrow for this- there is a relationship of mutual antagonism, fraught with unwilling familiarity and intimacy from growing up together. They are roughly the same age. While there is a certain power dynamic (in that world, there is a dynamic of necromancer and cavalier, i.e. sorcerer and sword) the "empowered" character (Harrow) emphatically respects her and does not abuse this power, although both would of course deny this, and she does make a show of threatening and being aloof. In short, while Gideon obeys her, Gideon also has power over Harrow, and the idea of what is essentially slavery is not romanticized.

Feyre Doesn't Face Any Consequences For Her Own Actions

Let me present a radical notion: a guy preventing you from leaving his house does not justify completely fucking ruining his country and harming the people inside it.

In other words: Tamlin does not deserve what she did to him.

I know that sounds iffy. We're conditioned to think that if someone is an abuser, then they are the scum of the earth, they deserve to die, torturing/murdering/doing anything to them is completely A-OK. However, here's another radical notion: someone harming you does not justify you doing worse.

Obviously, the effects of psychological abuse can cause you to hurt other people (see: Nesta), but Feyre deliberately and maliciously (oh, God, that insufferable POV of her in Spring Court; she reads like a cartoonish Disney villain) dismantles his country. She uses sexual manipulation (Lucien), torture (causing the sentry to be whipped), and mind-rape (who didn't she do this to? lol).

A summary of the entire first half of ACOWAR: "It smelled like roses. I hated roses. For this capital offense against my olfactory system, Tamlin and the entire Spring Court deserved to burn in hell. I knew exactly what I was doing. I smiled at him sweetly: no longer a doe, but a wolf. He didn't see my fangs.............." *aesthetic noises*

Man. I'm starting to think SJM had a horrible experience at a Bath & Body Works and took it out on the rest of us. Don't do it, Sarah!! I know Pink Chiffon and Triple Berry Martini are way too strong, but don't take it out on an innocent population!!

She steals from Summer Court (there are, yk, other solutions to theft. Like maybe asking politely) and ruins Spring Court. Her boyfriend - yeesh sorry, MATE - does nothing while a dozen Winter Court children are murdered.

Now: moral ambiguity is not automatically bad. Again using The Locked Tomb as an example, in the second book (spoiler alert), Harrowhark has a sort of moral ambiguity. She was raised from the beginning to worship the King Undying as God, and so she obeys him without question. Because of this, she commits a lot of crimes in His name: she "flips" - i.e. kills - the life force of planets, and she plots murder (albeit the murder of someone who tried to kill her first). There is no attempt to justify this. There is also no attempt to paint her as a virtuous and yet also badass Madonna figure. She is desperate, plagued with the "wreck of herself", and the book clearly displays her moral pitfalls. While her POV is of course colored by her mindset, it also is limited by her lack of information, and we as readers can acknowledge that.

BACK TO ACOTAR: Feyre is seen by everyone as gorgeous, formidable, and essentially perfect. Rhys sees her as flawless, "made for him", wonderful, beautiful, blah blah blah. (THEY ARE SO BAD FOR EACH OTHER; THEY EXCUSE AND GLORIFY EACH OTHER'S CRIMES, IT'S SO BAD, GUYYYS). Tamlin is insanely batshit in love with her, or whatever. To the Night Court she's the High Lady. In this way she personifies the Mary Sue character. (Excerpt from the TV Tropes page on Mary Sues: "She's exotically beautiful, often having an unusual hair or eye color, and has a similarly cool and exotic name. She's exceptionally talented in an implausibly wide variety of areas, and may possess skills that are rare or nonexistent in the canon setting. She also lacks any realistic, or at least story-relevant, character flaws — either that or her "flaws" are obviously meant to be endearing. She has an unusual and dramatic Back Story. The canon protagonists are all overwhelmed with admiration for her beauty, wit, courage and other virtues, and are quick to adopt her as one of their True Companions, even characters who are usually antisocial and untrusting; if any character doesn't love her, that character gets an extremely unsympathetic portrayal." Sound familiar?)

There is the Ourobous scene. And yet, paradoxically, while presented as an acknowledgment of her flaws, it is in fact a rejection of them. She sees her own brutality... and instead of recognizing that she has these deep, deep moral flaws and realizing that she needs to grow and be better, she in fact "accepts" them.

Guys: Self love means: "I'm important to me, so I'm going to get a massage today after work", or "heck, why not splurge on some expensive lotion, you only live once" or "you know what? I had a tough day today. I'm going to get that strawberry cupcake". SELF LOVE DOES NOT MEAN "oh, I accept all the war crimes I have done, I love myself". LOVING YOURSELF DOES NOT MEAN ABSOLVING YOURSELF OF ALL WRONGDOING.

It's this refusal to acknowledge wrongdoing that is so grating about ACOTAR. It's so goddamn one-sided. And you can tell that after Book 1, SJM decided to completely change the trajectory simply because of how jarring Book 2 reads compared to the first one.

Also: Feyre is a very, very young girl (compared to the other ruling fey) who did not know how to read for the majority of her life. She has no experience whatsoever in politics. Her being High Lady is not a win for feminism.

Rhysand: He Sucks

First, he is 500 years old. He should be written as such, not as some 20 year old virile frat boy feminist. Fantasy is all the more compelling for its elements of realism, which is a concept that SJM does not appear to grasp.

Second of all, his morals are absurd. He is written as the Second Coming of Christ, as someone who can do no wrong, ever, and his flaws only serve to make Feyre love him more. Anything shitty he does is written as part of his "mask" and she can See Beneath It and knows that it "hurts" him to maintain this "mask".

Fellas, WHY DOES HE HAVE TO MAINTAIN THIS MASK???? There is no reason for it. If A) he does not give a shit about Court of Nightmares (we'll get back to that), only about Velaris, and B) Velaris is hidden/protected from the world, what is he pretending for?

It would not hurt him politically to be seen as someone who cares about his country.

"Pretending" to be "Amarantha's whore" does not in any way shape or form benefit the macro-world that is Prythian. In Amarantha's name, he commits atrocities. He commits war crimes; he systemically oppresses entire societies. It doesn't even really benefit Velaris, because Velaris is already hidden.

Let me put this in a real-world perspective. This would be like if Donald Trump was suddenly like: "I know I was a shitty president but IT WAS ALL PART OF MY MASK, WHICH WAS TO PROTECT THIS MICROCOSM OF PRIVILEGED PEOPLE THAT I CARE ABOUT". Like: okay? Sorry, or whatever, but I don't actually give a shit. What about the parents of the children who died? What about Clare Beddor? What about the people who were held in slavery, murdered, tortured?

Rhysand: omg it sucks that my cousin Mor was oppressed by this toxic misogynistic culture from the Court of Nightmares.

Also Rhysand: lol whatever, who gives a shit about Court of Nightmares. They all suck. They meanie. Lol what did you say? That there might be other girls just like Mor who are oppressed by this system? Lol whatever. I can't do anything, I gotta maintain my Mask. I gotta sit on this throne and show the entire Court that not respecting women is completely okay.

In summary: by parading Feyre around as his "whore" (!!) he demonstrates by example that it is completely okay for the Court of Nightmares to abuse their women.

A good ruler cares about all his people. Rhysand cares about a tiny tiny fraction of his people: those who were fortunate enough to be born into Velaris.

God, I'm exhausted. Onto Nesta:

The only character who successfully breaks the Mary Sue effect Feyre exerts on her people is Nesta. Her POV for the first half is a joy to read.

Obviously it sucks that Nesta was a huge bitch to Feyre for the beginning of her childhood. However, it was wrong for Rhysand to threaten her- he is a man male with a huge insane amount of power, and it is not okay for him to threaten to bring the brunt of it down on a young girl because she was a bitch to his girlfriend.

I've seen a lot of discourse on the morality of F/R sending her out of Velaris. Here is my two cents:

It was okay for them to cut her off of their money. If they don't want to enable her self-harm, that is their choice. Again, it's their money, even if it wasn't fairly earned (Rhysand born into an enormous fortune).

It was not okay for them to banish her from Velaris with the implication that she was an embarrassment. Let me explain.

If Rhysand and Feyre are talking to her as sister/brother-in-law, then that is that. They have the complete right to express disapproval and try to help. However, they should not be using their royal privilege against her.

If they are talking to her as ruler to subject, then they have the power to banish her from the city. However, a ruler would not give a shit about a random subject getting drunk and having sex. So, they should not be talking her about her problems as a ruler to subject.

I've heard it compared to her being sent to rehab. However, rehab is a system designed to help people with certain problems. It has specialized medical centers and involves therapy. Nesta gets her life threatened multiple times. It is not rehab.

In summary: why did SJM inflict this upon us. Throne of Glass was actually good! GAHHH! After the first few books she completely whipped around and introduced the idea of males and mates and fey and that C is actually A and the quality took a huge nosedive. Sigh.

Final horrible but unmistakable truth: The entire ACOTAR series reads like a bad A/B/O fic. I hate to say it but it's true. We're lucky there were no heat cycles. OH WAIT

[aquagustd]

i just want to say that i had a relationship similar to hie jk and oc. we fought so badly and said the worst things to each other but we always came back because it was what we were used to. its all about the forgiveness. being comfortable with the dysfunction is common unfortunately.

this story is very realistic in my eyes because to me they seem like theyre all so in deep with each other like on a soul level that regardless of how toxic it can be, one person is not necessarily more evil than the other. in other words, everyone thinks theyre justified. both jk and oc were young in love and that sticks so much to a person. im talking literally for ur whole life. feelings u cant help, merely because of the memories you shared and what you end up building together. jk is a broken person and so is she. not to mention now they have a kid! they literally cant get rid of each other for good unless they fight to the death. they also cant get past their old selves. hopefully they overcome that with compromise and work. depends on who wants to fully commit to that 🤷🏻‍♀️

finding love through trauma bonding is real!although not the healthiest, it is unpredictable and intense and passionate. i truly think that oc is not a fool she is just human. people forget how easy it can be to fall right back into a cycle of hurt if no one decides to change. their dynamic is different because they HAVE changed in some ways. maybe not completely but its progressing and it seems like the spark will always be there between jk and oc. they both obviously care at least an ounce about each other. just the subtle yearning is significant.

you can also love two people at the same time just in different ways. who you decide to build your relationship with doesnt mean u stop all feelings for someone else. with time love will be tested and all that matters is who will make who the happiest!! not excusing any of the horrible behavior, but everyone shows their ugliest sides when they dont know what they want from life. its just what it is. good news tho, i think almost all of the characters are fed up with the dysfunction and want peace. junho is a blessing because it takes everyones minds of themselves, and they selflessly think about that child. other than sora (lol) i truly believe that junho has both his parents and their friends rooting for him and want to step up to the plate so that can have a better life than any of them. junho comes first!!!

idk i like to think im an empath of some sort. well done on the update, cant wait to see how the rest of it develops. :) i love both ships tbh

-🐇anon💗

ahh bb literally everything you said 🥹 i teared up a bit ngl. the part where you said everyone has junho to try & take their minds of the dysfunction is so true 😭 not just oc & jk but also yoongi :(

whatever you said about jk & oc is true too !! no matter what, no matter how shitty the other person acts you just can’t help your feelings. especially when they were once a good person. you’re constantly thinking that the old them is still somewhere in there & that’s kind of how oc feels too. (even though she won’t say it)

i’m so happy you’re seeing hie for what it is !! & i’m so sorry to hear about your past relationship 🥺 i hope you’re doing better bun <3 and tysm for reading and always being so sweet !! ♡

[known-as-naya]

What’s your favourite thing about the Klebekah dynamic and your fave scenes? What was it that drew you to them

Thanks Yuki for asking this, it took me hours to think of all my fav scenes but it was worth it lol ❤️

My fav thing about the klebekah dynamic:

So, klebekah. I simply love them if it isn't obvious by now lmao, their codependent and dysfunctional toxic relationship fascinates me so much. They're litteraly the most important person in each other's life and I love that, I love how they understand one another with just a look, I love how they never gave up on each other for a thousand years despite all the betrayals, I love how they adore and worship one another, I LOVE THEM.

Rebekah was the person klaus loved the most in the world (besides hope ofc) it's actually funny how most of the fandom doesn't realize the impact she always had on him, she was his humanity for a thousand years, she was his constant (along with Elijah ) and he was hers, and as we saw on the show Rebekah was the person he showed affection the most.

As for rebekah, Klaus was the man she ADORED since she was a little girl, he was her big brother, the person she wanted to be like when she gets older, her protector, soulmate and best friend. Rebekah was the only person who never actually tried to change him, she loved him as he is during a thousand years and I LOVE THAT.

-The thing that drawn me to them:

Are a lot of things but THE CHEMISTRY was what made me fall in love, fun fact: but the first time I discovered klebekah I was watching a tvd scene on YouTube a couple of years ago and coincidentally it was their 3×03 Chicago flashback scene with Stefan, and I thought they were a sort of threesome of something lmao and when I knew they were siblings I was shocked but continued to ship them anyway cause why not.

What are your fav scenes ?

Oh boy, this is a very DIFFICULT question cause I practically love all their freaking scenes, but I eventually have to choose so there you go:

-I'll begin with tvd:

-There's 3×03, of course, THIS WHOLE EPISODE IS FULL OF INCEST. the "I'm not your girlfriend", the "choose him or me" Klaus' jealousy, the eye sex, the daggering session, the hand holding, EVERYTHING SCREAMED KLEBEKAH. This ep was such a strong introduction to their strange dynamic.

-3×04: my fav thing about this ep is Klaus taking rebekah to shop and being a child about it. He was so done with her already but at the same time so happy to have her around again. I loved the surprised expression on Stefan's face the whole time, he was not used to this side of Klaus, he was not used to Klaus being wrapped around someone's little finger. I loved their little conversation when she was trying that dress and she said something about women in the 21th century dressing like prostitues and that she got dirty looks for wearing trousers and then Klaus said you wore trousers so women today could wear nothing. Lmaooo it was hilarious.

- 3×15: "I hated you when I learned that you killed our mother but after a thousand years together as a family you're the only one who never left me "

" Aren't we a pair ?" THIS MF LINE GETS ME EVERYTIME. I don't have words to describe what it does to me but I love this scene and the fact that Klaus thought that rebekah was going to show him her torturer's skills makes it better.

-3×18: " you destroyed our family" "I wanted a family they just didn't want me, and now that we're unlinked we're no longer responsible for each other" "so are you leaving ?" "As soon as a get my stakes I'm gone..... I'm gonna make a NEW FAMILY of hybrids" "and if I choose to stay ?" "Then you're just as pathetic as Finn " THIS WHOLE scene was a masterpiece, them looking at each other like that makes me wanna give them a hug:

-3×20: it wasn't really a klebekah scene cause it was Esther in Rebekah's body but the way Klaus smiled at her and agreed to go to the dance JUST for her melt my heart.

-3×22: oh gosh this one, breaks my heart but love it so much " how dare you save Caroline over me ?" " You left me !" "it's always been me, not Finn not Elijah no Kol ME, I LOVED YOU through everything and you don't even care " and then he chokes her and say something he -IM SURE- regrets immediately "you know something rebekah you're right I don't care, from this moment on you're not my family you're not my sister you are nothing " and then he breaks her neck. I HATE THIS SCENE BUT I LOVE IT. these two needed couple therapy. Klaus was horrible, she watched him die, she mourned him, her heart broke. He could've told her about his plan tho ? I'm still wondering why he didn't but I guess he was just being an asshole as usual and took her as granted. And him saving Caroline over her was not it.

-4×04: the flashback hunter scene "YOU TRUSTED HIM OVER ME " "WHAT DID HE PROMISE YOU " "TELL ME REBEKAH " it was like he caught her cheating on him lmaooo. On the same episode there's the famous line "laugh at the girl who loved too easily but I would rather to live my life than yours Nik, no one will ever sit around a table telling stories about a man who couldn't love" the way he looked down after her saying that breaks my heart, cause Klaus could love, he LOVES her, then he daggers her -cause he's a paranoid bastard- and he cries about it.

-Let's switch to TO scenes:

-1×02: this episode is one of my favs but the best scene was when Klaus was choking Hayley after he learned that she wanted to abort the baby then, rebekah slammed him against the wall (it was hot tbh lmao) and she said "it's okay to care, it's okay to want something that's all Elijah was trying to do all he's ever wanted for you, all we've ever wanted." The way he looked her deep in the eyes gets me everytime, he was trying so hard not to cry. Then they sat together, exhausted, and Klaus told her about his plan -that involved giving Elijah to marcel lol- and if she doesn't like it, there's the door.

-1×03: one of my fav episodes too and it has so many good klebekah scenes, “that depends what plan you mean love my plan for global domination or rebekahs plan to find love in a cruel cruel world”  then she giggled and threw a pen at him so lovingly lol. They were teasing and all flirty with each other in front of Hayley and they acted as nothing happened the night before and Klaus never gave Elijah to marcel, after that they teamed up and everything was going fine but Klaus happened. then there's the masquerade ball scene when Klaus called rebekah " you really are a hideously evil little thing aren't you "

and them being jealous watching marcel and cami dancing. later in  this ep theres the famous “you disgust me” scene, the tension was so thick i acually thought they were about to kiss and have sex on that damn piano lmao but klaus as usual disapointed rebekah, she trusted him against all her better instincts and he choose to act against her back cause he thought his plan was smarter.

-I'm not sure in which episode this scene is but I remember Klaus telling rebekah "you were quite resourceful today..... sometimes I think I don't give you your due little sister" it was so cute cause Klaus knows that he doesn't give Rebekah enough credits, and she was so happy to hear him say that.

-1×14: the famous "YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM ME REBEKAH" this episode had me crying the first time I watched it, Klaus was so angry, disappointed and hurt, he could not believe that his baby sister did this to him, that he was in denial for almost a century and he for that she must pay. "Rebekah would not call my father no matter how angry she was " "enough of your lies" even after seeing the truth from the source he still couldn't believe it cause he loved her so freaking much and he thought she did too.

Then them fighting and Klaus getting turned on by her beating his ass up

-1×15: this mf scene.

The kiss, THE FREAKING CLOSE TO THE LIPS KISS. the sexual tension in this scene was HUGE, Klaus finally "set rebekah free" and he was DRUNK doing it. "We don't have to run anymore, we've found a home" and the look on Rebekah's face is priceless, she was shocked and almost guilty cause at this time she has already called mikeal and Klaus was a little too late.

Also in the same episode, THE BLOOD SHARING. Look at them just look at them.

-1×16:

THE BABY MIKAELSON FLASHBACK !! OMG, this scene melts my heart. "Don't be afraid I won't let it hurt you " "will you stay with me till the storm ends ?" And he did stay with her no matter what. I love this scene cause it shows how close and protective they were of each other since forever. Then he gives her the wooden knight so she can be brave. I'm soft.

Then there's this one too ! I love how Rebekah was actually the only one to ever stand against mikeal, she even tried to kill him, just for Klaus. So much devotion.

I'm still not over this one, the hurt on Rebekah's voice as she says those words, Klaus's tears, the whole episode was so angsty but this scene was IT. and then he realised what he did to her, that instead of protecting her he was hurting and suffocating her so he did something he's not used to do, being selfless, and he let her go.

The 1×22 scene: LITTERALY on top of my fav scenes list ! Klaus giving hope to Rebekah proved how much he trusted her "there's no one I would trust more with my daughter's life" and the fact that she came back just for him (and hope) proved that she never really wanted to leave, she just needed a little freedom. Then when he handed her the little toy I WAS IN TEARS OKAY, it was so soft. They were so happy and relieved to see each other again.

-2×09: "if anything goes south I'll be there to pull you out" "you and I on the same team it must me Christmas" he promised to protect her at any cost and she knew he will. Them teaming up against Esther was so great, then the "take me instead" , Klaus was WILLING to sacrifice his immortal life for REBEKAH, if this isn't pure love then I don't know what it is.

-2×17: another episode losing his shit because his wife-sorry sister is in danger. He let Freya enter his mind just to save her (and he was so suspicious about it cause he didn't want her to know his strategies but in fact he was just afraid she'll know about his questionable taste in woman lmaoo)

And this mf scene is so cute, look at their smiles, the forehead touch, his hand on her neck, here on his arm, FOR YOU FOR NOW. I can't believe this is actually canon.

-2×22: "family tradition!" "Minus the family."

"Well, you're here."" In the skin of your choosing, no less."

"Well, poor you. Because that body is such a hardship."

"You would hand over your crown? And do what?" "Raise my daughter... with the help of my sisters. One big, happy family."

" Now, that does sound grand-- minus the giant, Elijah-sized hole in the room. And, whilst your sisters raise your child, what will the child's mother be doing, exactly?"

"This, dear brother, is not what happiness looks like."

This scene was so important, Klaus was wrong and he needed someone to remind him that what he did was not necessary, that he hurt most of his family, and rebekah was there for that. He wished she'd stray with him to "raise" his daughter but after this scene we see Freya offering her Eva's body so she leaves.

-3×09: "you're always leaving" "and I always come back" THEN THE DAMN HUG. their hugs are always so good, the way they close their eyes and hold each other tight and they seem like they never want to let go of each other. Then she has to leave and make Elijah dagger her without telling Nik, cause she wants Nik to be happy for once.

-3×22: "wasn't you who once told me I could talk my way out of hell " and then they smile affectionately at each other and HUG tightly. After this he took her hand and they both walk to their possible end, and she watches him getting stabbed by marcel after she was forced to say all those things she did and didn't think. The whole trial scene was a masterpiece. I love it.

-4×02: this EP was full of klebekah soft scenes. There was the reunion HUG . the way she runs to him the second she sees him and the way he reaches to her and hugs her tightly to his chest.

The kiss on the cheek after "thank you for not abandoning me" and the way he smiles at her was so SOFT OMG.

-4×03: the goodbye hug "Nik you do not need me anymore, I know that I'm your fav sibling and of course I adore you" "you were the only one who never treated me like s misfit, for centuries my only place was by your side...." AND THEY HUG TIGHTLY AGAIN. this was the first time Klaus let Rebekah do whatever the hell she wanted without fighting or daggering and it was revolutionary to her. (The fact that she's his fav sibling and she KNOWS it makes me so happy lmao).

-5×01: their phone call about Elijah. They were both so lost and devastated without him it broke my heart. "How does he look?" "Happy.."

-5×08: "ah Nik always so dramatic"

They were so happy to be reunited after 7 years of being apart, look at them hugging each other so tightly. I LOVE this scene.

-5×12: then there's the goodbye scene, Klaus gave her the cure so he can make up for a thousand years of hurt, "live the life you've always wanted to live, MY SISTER" the way he looked at her so proudly, so in love makes me cry. In my opinion he gave her the cure so they can reunite again in the afterlife. Both him and Elijah can't live or die without her, they're supposed to be together, they're meant to be together and the cure will bring her to them, to him, again. It was such a good scene, the hug, the last glances, everything.

And that's it!!! I'm sure I forgot some other scenes but those are the most important. ❤️

[flying-elliska]

Skam France Season 6 Review

It’s that time, I guess. My feelings are, like many, mixed. I think I enjoyed the season more than most people here, but the ending was a massive let down. Overall it boils down to this : Skam France is great at moments and very bad at structure. A lot of my issues with the season is what is not in it. I saw so much potential that never quite materialized, and it left me frustrated. At the same time, Lola is a really cool character, her arc is really interesting, her relationship with her sister is one of the best things they’ve ever done, and the actors killed it. Loved La Mif, discovering other sides of Eliott, the urbex backgrounds, and Maya. A lot of fascinating character moments. This is definitely my second favorite season after s3 - at times I even thought it would equal it. Sadly, though, Skam France will remain a bit of a one hit wonder for me. Because they are so good at bringing up problems in a nuanced layering way - be it addiction, grief, eating disorders, internalized ableism, racist microagressions - but when it comes to resolving what they brought up, they default towards a ‘let’s all be nice to each other, hug or kiss, love saves the day yay !’ story. Which is, when you claim to deal with real world issues, simplistic, immature, and at times quite offensive. It works for s3, which is at its core a tale of self-discovery, self-acceptance and romance. But niceness doesn’t solve racism, and family problems aren’t solved with a hug, and addiction recovery doesn’t hinge on having someone to kiss, and the series came dangerously close to implying that at times. 

All in all, this is a show that often manages to be both brilliant and terrible at the same time. At least it’s not dull. 

Positives/Negatives/Meh breakdown :

Positives :

- Sisterly love : My favorite thing without a doubt is the relationship between Lola and Daphné. Flavie and Lula killed it. Almost all the clips that made me cry were the ones with the both of them in it. At the beginning their rivalry is so relatable to me : the responsible sibling who takes on too much burdens and is too controlling and parentified vs. the problem sibling who acts out to express the issues the rest of the family are repressing - i have been in both of those spots. you can see how they slowly realize that the gap between them didn’t need to be there, that it wasn’t their fault, that it was the result of their parent’s bullshit and even shittier circumstances. seeing them make little gestures to recognize each other’s pain, to nurture each other, to give each other support, but also to tell each other some unpleasant truths, was so incredibly powerful. Relationships between sisters can be just so...complex, and loving, and petty, and jealous, and supportive, and feral, and annoying, and understanding, and ugh, they made me feel all of that and more. I have a sister, and I have a relationship like that with her, and this season gave me some very important perspectives. Really, relationships between women aren’t explored enough, and this season really did this one thing excellently and if only for that, it deserves to be watched. That moment where Lola talks to Daphné about her self destructive tendencies...so important. I am so happy that Daphné was the one finding Lola in her tower of solitude, and the moment where she says ‘you pay too much attention to what other people think, Lola’ was the emotional turning point of the season for me, because it was Daphné recognizing Lola really cared behind her mask of coldness, but also that she was hurt by that and that she needed to love herself regardless of the love her parents didn’t give her ; and also that she heard Lola saying it to her and that it inspired her too, so there is this amazing reciprocity. It was so powerful, I’m still reeling from it. And it was a beautiful full circle from the beginning of the season. 

- Family of outsiders : the urbex gang was such a wonderful new group this season. It was bound to be tricky getting us to like this new generation, and I think they did a pretty good job. Even tho I wish we got to know them a bit more, they were all intriguing and interesting on their own, and the vibes of Lamif as a whole were just so fun and lovely. Loved the neuroatypical vibes I got from Sekou and Jo. Love that they introduced a trans guy character. Loved Maya as group mom. And seeing them warm up to Lola was really sweet. The social media of them hanging out was more or less the only good social media we got this season lmao. The urbex thing was a great symbol for Lola finding a home with the outcasts, a bit on the fringe of society, and the start of acceptance, of bringing her in from the cold. Maya and Lola’s relationship fit in that really nicely, especially the bits about them talking about their shared experiences of grief, and my favorite scenes with them is showing Lola that her scars can be beautiful and that her rough experiences are part of who she is. The way she didn’t take Lola’s bullshit was great, and even tho I think their relationship was rushed, overall they really fit well together. Love Maya’s character as a concept in general, this funky purple haired lesbian environmentalist with amazing sense of style, and I really hope we see her again in upcoming seasons. And finally, I also really liked Eliott and Lola’s friendship (except for the ending) - the fact that they understand this darkness that they share, but that Eliott has succeded in climbing over it, and so he can give Lola support, understanding, guidance. I loved that we got to hear a bit more of his perspective on mental illness, the good and the bad times, that we saw his passion for movies become more real. I loved the fact that they bonded over creative things and photography, too, and that she found a safe space in the video store. And even tho it wasn’t resolved properly, the scene where he comes to get her and punches Aymeric really made me cry. Also, BASILE. Best bro in law ever. Their scenes together were so homey and warm and sweet. They will have such a good relationship in time. Overall, I really like how central friendship was in this season, shown as so powerful and important. They could have done more with it but I love a lot of what we got. I am just a sucker for found family, man.

- Lola herself : I know she was a controversial character right from the start. She’s been called manipulative, selfish, out of control, toxic. And honestly at times...maybe she was a bit. I still love her. She is just so interesting to me. The lack of compassion towards her in the fandom was seriously depressing at times, and often felt like a symptom of something I’ve seen in a lot of different fandoms, ie the capacity to only tolerate moral ambiguity when it’s attached to attractive white male characters - and to only tolerate mental illness symptoms when they can be romanticized. In the end, she’s a struggling teen from a deeply dysfunctional family who’s had a very rough life, of course she’s not going to be well adjusted. All in all, I think she’s so brave, and she is a fighter. I adored her feral energies in the trailer. I also really liked her blunt honesty at times, even if it was sometimes hurtful and excessive. I think because I have the opposite tendency to be afraid to speak my mind, I really dig a character who isn’t afraid to speak the ugly truth. Even though, again, ‘the truth’ isn’t always cut and clear, and what Lola is often doing instead is listening to ‘depression voice’ who tells her to believe the worst in people. I find that fascinating, because in my experience, yes, depression comes with this terrible lucidity that makes you see through a lot of bullshit but at the same time, is distorting your perspective because of fear and shame, and kicking that, and disentangling your perception from that fatalism, is very complicated. I loved how genuine she was, how mature too sometimes through the pain, more mature than she should have been. It was rough watching her relapse, but I think the portrayal of addiction was pretty very well done overall, not romanticized and explained in a very coherent way. I wish the show had given her a bit more of a clearer view of her inner thoughts towards the end and let her apologize a bit more. And a clearer realisation that her parent’s lack of well expressed love didn’t doom her. But...yeah Following her really made me question my own - more hidden - self destructive impulses, linked to family shit, that pushes me to sabotage and isolate myself. Like Eliott said to her - it’s really a lifelong struggle. I think overall her arc was pretty satisfying, learning to step away from the edge, letting people in, seeing that she isn’t alone, accepting she deserves better and that her failures don’t doom her. That it is about getting up and trying again. Love her using her mother’s camera and wanting to get a phoenix tattoo, a perfect symbol for her. Also Flavie was amazing, she’s got a bright future ahead.

Negatives :

- No follow up to the assault storyline : The thing that I am, without any single doubt, most mad about, is the fact they didn’t bring up the sexual assault again. Along with Charles’ rape apologism, this creates a very dubious pattern of trivializing the issue ‘as long as it’s not real rape’. The fact that the morning after immediately turns to Elu drama is what sort of started my disconnect from the season, and the fact that they don’t bring it up afterwards even once made me angry. I think Lola, before going back to the hospital, should have told someone about the abuse she endured there, and should have told someone about Aymeric, even if only to acknowledge she wants to be done with that part of her life. Aymeric is like...Lola’s biggest villain, in a sense, he is a horrible predator but he also somehow represents her worst impulses, that part of herself that tells her she doesn’t deserve better, and I think that as a character, he was interesting, and he should have been adressed/exorcised better. If Lola was a real person, of course, she would probably have to deal with this in therapy, down the line, later, but as a story, never adressing this again left it unfinished. And this is really the kind of event you NEED catharsis and resolution for. Otherwise, it’s irresponsible.

- A generally overstuffed and disjointed structure : My biggest problems with this season are about what isn’t and what isn’t it. I liked most of the clips, I don’t have an issue with them going dark, strangely enough, but the way they were put together was just...messy. Like many people have said, too much stuff not properly adressed. Palm of most annoyingly useless subplot, the whole Tiff thing. Yes, it was cool comparing her clique to Lamifex and Lola realizing she wants nothing to do with those shallow fake bitches. Sekou hacking her account to replace it with pigeons, amazing. After that though, it should have been DONE, and in general, it should have taken a lot less time and attention. Comparing Tiff’s social media addiction to Lola’s issues felt like some trivializing bullshit. The whole thing was just so annoying. It would have been good if it had led to some discussion of social inequality but like...not this shit. Char, equally useless (although, cool actress, cool style). Another MASSIVE problem is the lack of follow through on big clips. A great thing about SKAM, usually, is that it shows you the aftermath of big moments - characters lying in bed, cuddling, talk to their friends, crying in the shower, etc. It allows the viewer to breathe and really get into the character’s perspective, to be comforted and process drama, and for the emotions to resonate better, to have space to develop richly. Here...we had Lola brush off her assault, we saw nothing after Daphné got her back from the tower thinking she could have killed herself, we learned that they had money problems and the father didn’t go to work and then that was never adressed again and the light was turned back on by magic (????), we saw Eliott go on a major bender and didn’t really see how he got better, etc. Big lack of introspective clips in the latter part of the season took me out of Lola’s head. It was all stressful and breathless, all intensity and no pause like one grating high pitch note instead of music, it felt oppressive, with poor contrast, and very badly paced. It made everything blur together and feel less relevant. The problem with that is it really takes you out of the story ; it’s hard to care when you know whatever is happening might not have a resolution, and it doesn’t put you in the shoes of the character. This was compounded by how mediocre the social media was, when it is usually used to bridge in the gaps. And then to finish : the structure was so uneven, especially in the second part of the season. Towards the middle we had some very short episodes with very underwhelming endings, and Vendredis that felt like non events, and there wasn’t a lot happening - and then, bam, ep 9, drama overload, almost like misery p*rn, and then a super rushed resolution in ep 10. Like they cared more about twists and giving the opposite of what was expected instead of solid coherent narrative and rhythm. The romantic back and forth felt repetitive as hell too. All in all, it made for a very unsatisfying live watching experience, pretty sure anyone who didn’t watch live would like it a lot more. 

- The last two episodes : Really, I could have overlooked all the problems with the season if they had given us a good ending, but...they really really didn’t. And contrasted with last season, where my problems were focused on the middle, for me the ending is really the worst part of this season. I didn’t dislike the controversial club clips, I liked having the insight into Eliott’s insecurities, but they should never have brought those up if they weren’t going to let him adress them properly. Having everything go to shit in Lola’s life at once felt like overkill - they really should have solved those problems earlier, and then dealt with a few ones properly, showed us Lola freaking out on her own, and taken out the bullshit at the high school. Thierry slapping her was also too much, he could just have said these clumsy things. She could have distanced herself from Maya instead of pushing her away again. Also, they really should have had this happen in episode 8 again, and given us a proper resolution. While the tower sequence was incredibly powerful, I pretty much liked nothing after that. It was so annoying that Eliott brushed off Lola’s apology because while he wasn’t wrong that he decided to get drunk himself, she still needed to apologize and actually state that she wanted to get better so she didn’t hurt her friends, so as a resolution it was very mediocre. Thierry recognizing they should have given Lola the choice to go the hospital was a step but really not enough. And the moments with Maya were cute sure but mostly cheesy and unearned. Same for the ending clip. Mostly it’s such an unsatisfying farewell to the old generation, and it really feels like they wanted us to force to move on - didn’t want to properly recognize the end of an era, gave us almost nothing about their BAC or their future plans, etc etc. Also, letting Charles talk and having Arthur and Alexia kiss again ? SO BAD. UGH. I will be forever disappointed they didn’t give us a Multi POV or at least sth better on social media. And not having Eliott’s POV or at least a real Elu conversation (pretty much all season...) so frustrating I will never not be bitter about that. So yeah. The season started so powerfully but went out with a whimper instead of a bang. That whole ‘romantic love solves everything!!!’ shtick...very undercooked tbh. 

Meh : 

- Mayla’s development : I wanted to stan them SO BAD. Like, wlw in skam (that doesn’t turn into a panphobic mess?) YES, all the way yes. Maya and Lola had great chemistry, great dynamic. I loved their first few clips, the kind of confrontational flirting, the boldness, it was like...damn girls ! we love a non useless lesbian ! But...somewhere along the way, their relationship really suffered from the wacky plot structure. They should have shown us more bonding before we got to the angsting (esp during first urbex night). Also, their first kiss was sweet but I hated the ‘you’re my addiction’ line and that kind of put a damper on it. I liked the scenes where they open up about difficult things, the love Maya showed to Lola’s scars, the dandelion symbolism was lovely, but it wasn’t balanced enough with other stuff, and I felt Maya was way too stoic at times. And I really, really didn’t like the ending, honestly. They kept a good balance all season showing Lola wasn’t relying entirely on romantic love, that her family and friends were also important - but saying ‘i’m okay as long as you’re here’ at the end...honestly that sounds unhealthy and codependent as fuck. I really wish they’d done a more subtle, taking it slow ending for them.

- The financial issues : Again a storyline with much potential that wasn’t dealt with properly. It’s really good that we got a main that wasn’t from an economically priviledged background. Especially it felt very relevant to Daphné’s storyline, with the shame she felt at her friends seeing her place, the pressure to make it work, tying into her ED, etc etc. But cutting off the power, the father not working going nowhere...it’s like the plotline meandered and then vanished into thin air. Instead of that, they could have given us a scene of Daphné freaking out over the bills like in OG w Vilde, keeping the focus on her for that plot because she’s the most affected ; and then in the end of the season the father taking them over from her and telling her he’s found another job and that those things shouldn’t be her responsibility. That would have been relevant, instead of just...a loose end.

- Family issues : The Lecomte family dynamic seemed fascinating to me at the start. The mom being this shadowy complicated figure. The inability of the father to deal with anything. Daphné being parentified, Lola becoming the symptom child. They could have done a lot with this, but in the end, it felt like it was brushed aside too easily by saying the mom sent letters so she wasn’t too bad and Thierry is making breakfast so he’s trying. Not enough. I wanted them to let Lola acknowledge she deserved better and that their parent’s crap wasn’t on her. That her mom should have looked for help and the other two shouldn’t have pretended everything was okay. In general, there is way too much pressure to overlook toxic parent behavior and I wish they’d been clearer about this. 

- Mental health portrayal : Some parts of it were really good. Showing Daphné’s ED, letting Eliott talk about his episodes and relapses, showing some of the dark sides of depression and addiction. They just needed to show more of the recovery, because that is often the representation that they lacked the most. I don’t blame them for showing the bad sides of the mental healhcare system (which is terribly outdated and dysfunctional in France, I’m speaking from experience) but they should have shown the good too. Like do they find recovery boring or something ? Because as a person w MI, that’s actually what I’m dying to see, and they’ve been a real letdown in that department. I also think they should have acknowledged that the Lecomte family has mental issues as a whole, that the mother should have gotten help, and the father probably needs it too (still think they should have gone to therapy as a group lol).

- Elu and Eliott’s development : Honestly, not a big fan of how they wrote Lucas in s5&s6, in a lot of clips he was the angry guy with a temper, I miss s4 Lucas who was so compassionate and showed real growth and emotional intelligence. Here it just felt like they were fitting his character to plot needs, and it’s so sad for a character who had such an amazing story development. Now, I loved the glimpses of domestic Elu we got, how Axel and Maxence really showed the intimacy that had grown between them, they really felt married with all the nonverbal conversations and touches, that was sweet. But it’s so annoying that they hinted at Lucas’s insecurities and Eliott’s lack of communications and just brushed it away with ‘oh they love each other they will be okay’ sure bitch but then show us how ? that’s the interesting stuff ? it really feels sometimes like the writer(s) didn’t like how strongly the fans focused on the romance when they wanted to be talking about MATURE dark stuff not that frilly fluffy romance shit *eyeroll* male writers who think they’re above that stuff is so annoying as is the conflating of dark and mature - anyway. Again I liked seeing Eliott in his element this season, he is really thriving, with his movie and the video store, and that made me very happy. I don’t think it’s unrealistic he didn’t make a lot of friends in uni - French university can be so isolating, there isn’t a campus or a vibrant social life like in the US, it’s a very common experience to feel lost and isolated for newbies and it was also my case - but ? Sofiane ? Idriss ??? They could have found a better excuse to implicate Lamifex in the movie making tbh, like Jo egging him on about her passion for directing or whatever, and Sofiane could have been there chilling with them it would have been so cool. I just wish Eliott would have had more of an arc like Daphné did. It wouldn’t have taken much, and since he is my favorite character, I will never not be disappointed at all the wasted potential. 

Yeah so in the end i think this was a very good story they didn’t entirely give themselves the right storytelling tools to tell. Like there is something in the way they prioritize certain moments over others that...I just find very frustrating and weird. So...flawed, but still very interesting overall.

[lordelmelloi2]

Ok so I’ve come to the conclusion that: 

Gilskandar is funny in the same way that Divorce Court (Waver/Adashino) is funny. There’s just no way these two can have a happy healthy relationship they will hate each other one way or the other there are inherent flaws in their personal views that make them incompatible 

The joy I get from Gilskandar is different than the Yuetsu you get from Kireitsugu content. Kireitsugu we know it’s one-sided because Kiritsugu is a hollow shell of a bastard man. Both Gilgamesh and Iskandar are constantly in competition with each other to top. It’s like a yelling contest of a relationship

Both Iskandar and Gilgamesh’s emotional needs are very much so opposite to each other but in a way they parallel each other... Gilgamesh is to Enkidu as Iskandar is to Hephaestion

Kireitsugu is funny because I love watching these two men suffer together and make each other’s lives much more horrible for each other. I also think if it had been literally any other scenario in their lives other than the grail war that they’d have actually gotten along with each other. I think Kirei’s association of suffering with joy is as a result of his lifetime of being a literal child soldier? I think if he wasn’t a child soldier along with Kiritsugu that maybe he’d be able to get along with him? 

Gilskandar is funny because they’re both constantly like either vibing with each other and agreeing or bantering like they have chemistry and dynamics with each other based off of their sheer existences. However they hate each other. When it boils all down to it they hate the shit out of each other for some reason. They will take pot shots at each other all damn night. And then they’ll kiss and make up <3 or something. It’s a toxic relationship but it’s so fucking funny to spectate (theoretically)

I love watching dysfunctional couples, if it’s funny enough. You remember my favorite movie is Uncut Gems. The scene where the girl Julia Fox plays tries to cheer up Howard (Adam Sandler) with a ass/thigh tattoo of his name “Howie” after he’s just been attacked by the mob for the 3rd time in the movie is literally peak humor 

[fizzingwizard]

very long very personal

of course it’s okay, I wouldn’t have left this public if it were a big deal, but I’d still prefer no comments on this.

So my mom messaged me the other day asking if we could chat because she “had some questions.” So I already figured something was up, because usually she doesn’t give a reason for wanting to chat, just wanting to talk is enough. I was trying to guess if “some questions” meant something very serious was going on or if she had questions about whether I’ll be able to go back to the US for Christmas this year, since last time we talked I said probably not because of covid-19.

So I felt like I didn’t want to put this off, but also did? lol. So I couldn’t make myself call last night, so I called this morning when it’s night for them. ” It seemed casual, but I could see a stack of boxes behind her. My first thought was “are my parents moving?” And at first my mom’s like, “Yeah, we decided to sell the house, so I wanted to ask you about some things of yours I found. I’m like oh, okay, probably anything left there is trash because I haven’t looked at it in 10 years (uh, though there were a couple things I wanted to keep >_>; also a mountain of books >_____>;) 

and then she goes, “So yeah, the reason we’re selling is because your dad and I are splitting up.”

and I’m like, THERE IT IS.

she said it soooo casual-like and several minutes into chatting. I’m sure because it’s an awkward thing to suddenly bring up. The thing is, before I called, I was planning to tell her that if there ever was some big news to share, I’d rather she warn me in a text message first. Like, “I’ve got some news that may be difficult to hear,” some such, doesn’t need to explain anything, just tip me off to be prepared, because that’s what I’m like. At work I never fully accept compliments because the feeling of reassurance that I’m doing well leads to me being blindsided when something goes wrong. So I try to always keep a mental balance, like “I’m glad X went well but that doesn’t mean everything is good” or “Too bad Y didn’t work out, but that doesn’t meant everything is shitty.” This is what helps me not go crazy and feel a bit in control. I wish I were a happy go lucky person for whom bad stuff rolls right off, but it doesn’t, at all, so I try to manage it the best way I can. I never feel truly happy but I never feel truly sad.

And the reason I felt like I needed to say something to my mom is, this isn’t the first time something like this happened. When I was in college, both of my parents got into a car accident - the same accident, but separate cars. They were both okay, but the cars were ruined. They didn’t tell me until weeks later. Same thing happened when my brother got sick and had to be hospitalized. He was there for weeks dealing with some pretty tough treatments and my parents were very stressed. And they didn’t tell me anything until it was all over with. I get that they didn’t want me to worry, I was in college and far away and couldn’t have done anything, and I also get that they were busy themselves, but I still want to know. For me, worry is not half as bad as being shocked afterward. Maybe my parents would prefer it the other way, but not me. I have told them this before but I guess it doesn’t stick. Every family is dysfunctional and I guess being bad at sharing bad news is my family’s dysfunction. Among many lol.

so I had basically just decided there was no real bad news to worry about and was preparing to let my mom know how I’d prefer she tell me if and when there is, when she drops this bomb on me. Like it’s no bomb at all. “Oh, you’re surprised? Your brother wasn’t surprised at all,” she said. Both my parents say the reason my bro’s not surprised is because he lives close by (and lived with them for many years until just recently) and I do not. While I’m sure there’s some truth to that, the real reason is totally that my brother Knows Everything and is Surprised By Nothing. And how I know that, is that I’m not surprised for the reason my parents think I am. They think I’m surprised because I didn’t know how far apart they’ve grown. But LOL. I know. I’ve known for a VERY long time.

The reason I’m surprised is BECAUSE I’ve known for a long time. I figured it out when I saw how other kids’ parents interact and compared it to mine. I figured it out when my mom started telling me things about her and my dad that probably she shouldn’t have told me, but I can’t be bothered to worry about it because my dad’s really provoked it, I mean REALLY provoked it. And my dad doesn’t dish dirt on my mom, but that’s because there isn’t any :P It’s a lopsided relationship in that way. What my dad has done is tell me how he really feels. How he’s so grateful that he has my mom and would be alone if not for her, and how he’s sorry for how he behaves when he’s upset and doesn’t want to lose what he’s got.

So, YEAH, I knew that my mom was not happy in her relationship, but any time she talked about it she always seemed anti-change. She wouldn’t lay down the law with my dad when he said things, she always followed him as the “head of the house,” and I couldn’t even blame her, I’ve seen both of the men in my family treat her pretty horribly for sticking up to herself so small wonder she doesn’t do it more. What I thought was, if she’s going to leave my dad, she’d have done it ten years ago, as soon as we kids were out of the house. She didn’t. So I’m mostly just surprised it’s finally happened!

And she says it’s all amicable, they’re staying friends, they’ll still see each other at holidays, etc. She said it all with a smile. In my head I was thinking, “I’m sure that’s true for mom, but what about dad?” Because Idk how much of the things my dad tells me he also tells my mom. I always got the feeling that dad felt I was his confidante in the family. Because I’m a good listener and I don’t tell secrets. There are things my mom dad and bro have all done that I have never told anyone in fifteen years.

And my dad has made it clear many many times that he does NOT want to live alone, does NOT want to be without my mom, etc. And I always complain about his super negative, “world is ending” politics which has just been getting worse - apparently he’s also been saying things like “I’m going to die and the world will end” etc stuff like that, and the talk about him dying is new. For me it’s an alarm bell, but no one else seems concerned. Not that I think my dad’s planning anything, but I mean more, he’s always been the depressive type, and it doesn’t seem to be getting better, and now having no one but himself for company... I think it’s going to make it even worse. Right now their reasoning is, they barely see each other anyway even while living in the same house, so what’s gonna change? But it’s completely different sharing a house with someone and not seeing them often and living completely alone. It doesn’t seem that different but it really is.

So my mom finishes telling me that everything’s fine and they both want this separation, and a little later my dad walks in and he says “Yeah, we’re splitting. I’m the type of person who should live alone. I don’t want it that way, but that’s how it is.” He said it casually too. My mom just went quiet. But the casualness was different from my mom’s. She seemed like “okay, I’m doing this now,” while he seems resigned. So yeah, basically I’m not worried about my mom, but I don’t think my dad totally realizes what this is gonna be like for him, and I’m really nervous about it. It gives me all sorts of bad feelings.

But to be clear, I don’t blame my mom for ANY of this. Not for wanting to separate, not for my dad’s depressive personality... none of it. Like I said, I thought she’d separate from him ten years ago. I love my dad, and he does have many good qualities, but he is difficult to live with. As a kid I overheard lots of arguments. Used to wonder if they’d divorce. Only reason I didn’t take it more seriously was because both of my parents come from bad homes, my mom’s parents divorced, my dad’s didn’t but he always said he wished they had because it was so toxic having them together. My parents seemed to value their relationship because of how shitty their own parents’ relationships were, so I thought that was what was keeping them afloat.

But on top of all that, my dad did some bad stuff with money. A few bad things. I don’t know all of it, mom says it’s between her and my dad, but my hope is that whenever I go home to visit at her new place, she’ll tell me. Of course I won’t push for it, but it’d be nice to have the whole story, because knowing what I do is already enough to be weird and confusing. Also my student loans appear involved (my parents are co-signers). Anyway, what I do know is that some bad money decisions were made and then my dad did a lot of lying and disrespectful stuff when my mom found out, and won’t apologize or admit he did anything wrong. My mom’s known about this for at least a month and he wouldn’t apologize the entire time. This seems to be the final straw for my mom. She seized control of the finances and though she didn’t say so, there’s no doubt in my mind that she’s the one who decided on the separation. She says she doesn’t get paying for a house she feels like she’s living alone in, when she doesn’t need such a big place just for herself, so she might as well sell and move somewhere cheaper.

Again my mom is not responsible for my dad’s metal health. She’s spent pretty much her whole adult life supporting him and not gotten all that much in return. For her, I think this is the right move and she’s going to be happier. For my dad, it’s a huge change and not a good one. Still nothing like my mom’s fault - if anything he brought it on himself - but I just feel like I’m looking into a crystal ball and it’s just my dad sitting alone in his trailer watching right wing political videos and eating junk food. Maybe forgetting to take his diabetes medicine, etc. He doesn’t even have a job so I’m not sure how that’s gonna work out. In your old age you hope you have someone who cares about you and helps look after you. At the very least you hope you have someone to talk to when you come home. I’m glad he’s supposedly going to be close to his best friend, and his best friend is a really nice guy who... may need to prepare for seeing my dad every day now? idk. But I’m grateful for that at least.

My mom will be a free bird, but it’s hard to imagine this being anything like freeing for my dad. Maybe I will turn out to be wrong. Idk. My dad’s sister is also a divorcee and has been living by herself for decades. She has a lot of loner type quirks because of that, but that’s alright. So maybe it will be okay, it will turn out my dad is really comfortable living alone after all... I wouldn’t have doubted that because he does like to be alone, it’s just the other stuff - the money, the jobs, the food, the medicine, etc - that kind of stuff I’m worried about. My aunt also fills her home with animal companions. Oh, just realized I forgot who’s going to keep the dog. Probably my dad... though of the two of them, the dog’s def better off with my mom, who actually takes her for actual walks. But my mom’s never really wanted a dog and only had one because my dad wanted it.

I mean story of my life right??? My mom doesn’t want a thing, but does it because it’s what my dad wants, he doesn’t take care of it, so she does! Rinse and repeat. For years and years and years.

When my mom told me about all this I said “Okay, I don’t want to talk about it right now but I’m glad you’re both happy.” And she was like why don’t you want to talk about it? Well for all these reasons that I could never say to their faces.

for them it’s been their marriage, for me it’s been my lifetime. There are so many things we did together. Even when my dad made his stupid music CD with the god awful cover he designed himself, and wouldn’t accept my mom’s input even though she’s a graphic designer, ya know, she does it for a living... Those kinds of memories. I know I’m sentimental as fuck. I just told my mom to throw out all my old drawings and notebooks that I was keeping from when I was a kid because it doesn’t mean a thing to me anymore. Life changes, things change, and as much as we want to carry it on with us, we just run out of space.

haha now im crying, how stupid

there’s another reason as well but I just deleted it because I’m secretive lol.

time changes and we change, and we can survive any change... but we may not like it. it may not feel worth it. idk. i don’t know if my existence is worth it. I know my parents love me and I’m personally happy on a daily basis, I’ve been lucky that while I’m hardly a peppy cheerful type, I don’t seem prone to depressive episodes like my dad and brother. So it’s not about “I shouldn’t have been born!” or nonsense. But maybe in a wiser world, my parents would not have married each other. Maybe they could have been happier. Idk.

this would all be a breath of fresh air if I could feel like it’ll be as good for my dad as it will be for my mom.

anyway I really needed to get this off my chest. again I don’t really want “aw dont worry my parents are separated too” comments. I respect what everyone’s been through and I know I’m hardly suffering here relatively speaking. but I’ve always been a melodramatic journaling type so I just had to write it down.

[writing-wolf]

I did it; I watched and read After by Anna Todd

Alright, I’m going on a rant, kinda. 

I’m very single, very touch-starved and quarantine makes me pick up on my guilty pleasures: reading/watching crappy romance. So far I’ve read like 4 bad romance books besides the After series, and I’m thriving. We love a cheesy, cliché romance at 2 am, yes we do. 

I read the whole series before watching the movie, and I’m kinda glad I did. The movie was, surprisingly, somewhat better than the books and I’ll tell you why. 

The books were pretty much garbage. Like, I’m not talking about the garbage that romance books made for young adult women with a fantasy usually are (although I secretly kinda like em), I’m talking Wattpad Y/N garbage. I know that’s to be expected because it is a Harry Styles fanfic, buuut a part of me hoped that with it being published as a real book, the ignorant, horrible parts would be cut out. Yeah, nope. 

Spoiler Alert: I’m going to discuss the story under the cut.

First book was kinda bad, pretty dramatic, but like, it was your kind of mindless ‘bad boy’ story. Red flags were starting to show in the relationship (they keep fighting, Hardin’s pretty much a horrible jealous jerk when he’s drunk, and kind of when he’s sober tbh), which kind of made me a bit unhappy. You can’t start off an entire series when it already seems like the main couple is toxic as all hell. The cute parts get overshadowed by the fighting and lies, secrets, violence, double standards, etc. The bet was disgusting and I just couldn’t get behind Hardin. 

At this point, I’m kind of invested in the story though, and I want to see how the hell Hardin’s going to get back with Tessa (because of course they get back together) after this virginity bet, and I read After We Collided. It’s starts off with this Zed guy, and we see the whole aftermath of the bet, with Tessa swearing she’s over it before seamlessly transitioning back into this ‘non-relationship but actually pretty much a relationship’ (this will be an ongoing theme in the next books) when Hardin’s mum shows up. They get back together over a bracelet and some other stuff. Blah blah, book’s kind of forgettable at this point. Hardin’s a selfish dick who doesn’t want to marry, have kids or move to Seattle with his girlfriend, whilst she’s just doing really hurtful things to spite him and hanging out with a couple of random dudes. Somehow she catches feelings (only a lil, because we know she only loves Hardin) for Zed, which is incredibly illogical. But the latest thing we can hope for is character development. The cute moments are actually cute, and they give me feels, but then 5 pages later they’re fighting again, so idk why I even bother. At the end of the book, somehow Hardin gets a tattoo for Tessa, and they meet her estranged, alcoholic dad. Cliffhanger....I guess?

After We Fell is the longest book in the series and OH MY DAYS, IT’S HOT GARBAGE. I couldn’t wait for this book to be over. There’s Hardin asking her to marry him so she doesn’t go to Seattle (he’s drunk, surprise?). Well, shit gets weird, because Hardin, Tessa and Hardin’s family go to Seattle for the weekend or smth. There’s a lesbian couple that has to represent Hardin and Tessa, but better, and that was decently well-done. They have sex, she drinks underage again, he tried to get sober but fails because every time they break up it’s the same story: he drinks and trashes the place, she cries and hates his arse, vows to stay away, they get back together and he promises to do better. And then it starts again. Dysfunctional as shit, basically. There’s huge signs of a toxic, unhealthy, possessive relationship between both of them. 

Hardin sabotages Tessa’s move to Seattle, she looks through his phone (something she’s done before). For the first time though, I end up disliking Hardin a little less than Tessa, because I kind of understand his point? The whole dysfunctional family thing did a part on him, and I get it. She’s also pretty toxic, pointing out his insecurities and being self-centred and wants him to change so badly. I just. By the end of this book, I maybe want them to end up together? Not really, because they’re almost (or maybe even actually) emotionally abusive to each other. But when they get their shit together, I’d like them to have a good, romance novel fuelled love story. Anyways, it was shit.

Last one, After Ever Happy (I didn’t read Before because I was tired of this shit and I don’t massively care). Starts off with this whole thing at Hardin’s mum’s wedding and whatever. He ends up leaving her and stays in London so she can return to Washington alone and he can get high with his ‘delinquent’ buddies from back in the day. She finds her father, overdosed, in their old apartment and that’s what it takes for him to come back to her. I know. Horseshit and I still hate them. He somehow tries to fix all of this, Zed’s a manipulative asshole, Hardin asks her to marry him but Tessa’s depressed, grieving and really not ready to get back into this tumultuous relationship (and honey, I really don’t blame you). I ended up liking this book the most because it felt human. It felt like Tessa was finally growing up and making choices that wouldn’t restart the fucking cycle again. She still drank too much, but I like the change when she left for NY. At that point, I could say I liked the story. Hardin changed a lot and became a capable man/boyfriend. They end up not dating until years later, and I have to say, good for them. Neither of them were ready for a relationship, so I think it was nice that they got the time apart to live first. Epilogue was wayy too rushes and kind of meh, but I was glad it was over. 

The reason I liked the movie was because it was mindless romance and not despite, but because it was so different from the book. Not nearly as toxic and just a lot more calm. Sure, it wasn’t amazing cinema, but it was cute, and the actors weren’t that bad. The main couple looked mad cute together too. The bet got changed and you could see that Anna Todd had made decisions in her book that she probably regretted and tried to rectify. And it was decent. I’m glad Hardin isn’t as horrible, and I’m glad that it seems like they’re in a relationship I could root for, however bad it started. Because that’s romance. Encouraging the audience to love the couple is so important, and the books just forgot about that imo. I still don’t love the series, but I’d be lying if I wouldn’t watch the rest. As a break from good, meaningful cinema and literature, the movies will do just fine. 

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

You Asked, I Told and Update

CW: Spoilers for Baghdad Waltz up to chapter 36 and some non-graphic discussion of childhood sexual abuse 

Hello!!!

Wow, I am so, so sorry for falling off the grid like that. I thought I was going to have WAY more time in October/November to work on the fic and work on fandom stuff in general, but my professional life threw me a huge right hook and I got completely sidetracked for weeks. So I’m off schedule a bit, in terms of having the next chapter. I’m sorry for the delay. 

I’m done with the full draft of Chapter 37 (about 23k - “short” but emotionally very dense) and am working through final revisions now. However, I also had to do an extensive amount of 9/11-related research for it, and part of that research has been reviewing oral histories of New Yorkers from the day of the attacks, and I came to the shocking realization that much of the prologue is historically inaccurate. Moreover, it’s shamefully inconsistent with the way that New Yorkers would respond to such an event. I’m embarrassed by how shoddy of a job I did with it.

Thus, I’m also going to be rewriting the prologue and including more accurate details, both historically and in terms of character dynamics. I mean, there’s no way Bucky could even live in Brooklyn and be a first responder at Ground Zero! All the bridges and tunnels were shut down. Shame on me. There will be ripple effects throughout the entire fic. Sigh. This is just round one of the massive amount of revisions I will be doing to the early chapters of the fic, which I wrote years ago now. I was going to wait to post both at the same time, but I don’t want to make you wait that long. I’ll just give you a notification when I finish the prologue revisions, and it’ll be like a little bonus chapter.

Anyway, here are some asks! Starting with a two-parter

First, thank you for the kind words. I’m glad you’re finding this fic moving. It’s definitely an emotional rollercoaster for these characters, and my hope (I guess?) is to have that be a parallel process for the readers. I think you hit the nail on the head that this relationship is exhausting. And you’re also right that not everyone would have the perseverance to keep coming back to it. It would be so much easier to amputate, pack up and go home. But once these characters get back into each other’s orbit, it’s very challenging for them to not keep crashing back into each other. It’s partially because they just love each other so much, but it’s also because they have an unhealthy relationship dynamic that sets them up for these toxic cycles. This will become especially apparent in the next chapter. They love each other, yes, but they also use each other to fill the gaping holes and insecurities they have within themselves. And they’re horrible communicators to boot. It’s a perfect storm. But at least they are going to try out some of this therapy crap maybe…?? We’ll see!

Along a similar line…

Thank you so much. That is so lovely of you to say, and I’m happy that I have your trust with this story. That said, I don’t know if it’s weakness if you’re not willing to run yourself through a miserable gauntlet of suffering the way Steve and Bucky are doing in this story. Would we call Rikki weak for drawing a boundary and stepping away from Bucky when his alcoholism was destroying their family? Some people used other words, but I’m not sure if weakness is the thing that might make someone walk away from a relationship like this. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should keep slamming your face against the same wall until you’re black and blue. This is a highly dysfunctional couple, and these men have serious issues they are grappling with personally that make them ripe for this kind of relationship. Bucky is an open wound, crippled with shame, desperate to do anything to feel better. Steve has deep attachment injuries from his chronically ill mother and deadbeat dad, as well as major control issues, and he wants to latch on and fix and make right, and if he manages every variable just right, he really thinks he can do it. And then throw in a fuckton of PTSD and TBI and alcoholism and physical injuries on top of it. So no, I wouldn’t rush to judge yourself for not envisioning yourself gutting it out in this grim scenario. 

But I also think we can identify with at least one of these characters, and we can root for people who want to overcome the shit that life has thrown at them to be with the person they love. Because they really do love each other. There’s just so much noise that it’s hard to tease out the signal sometimes. 

Good call on Bucky being a notoriously unreliable narrator, and he’s someone who is likely to underreport his suffering. Aside from his war-related injuries and his psychological struggles, Bucky’s most symptomatic issues are his GI problems. He has both peptic and esophageal ulcers, which are slightly different creatures. Peptic (stomach) ulcers, in Bucky’s case, have been caused by H. pylori and exacerbated by smoking and drinking. The esophageal ulcer was most likely caused by an excess of stomach acid due to gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) and, once again, exacerbated by drinking. Both of these have led to nausea, vomiting, lack of appetite, and weight loss. They have really emerged since Bucky got out of the military and pursued drinking with renewed vigor. Though he wouldn’t know it at the time because he doesn’t keep up with these things, his GERD is very possibly linked to acute, high dose exposure to the exceedingly toxic “dust” from the collapse of the World Trade Center towers. It’s one of the most widespread chronic health ailments of those exposed, aside from lower respiratory problems.

And now for some heavy-ass questions from licketysplittt — see CW above.

Yes, I am going to talk more about the context of Bucky’s abuse for sure, so I won’t go into the depths here. But I will say now that you are absolutely right that he has complex feelings for his abuser. I think it would have been easy to write him as just being unidimensionally angry or ashamed, but I know that’s not the experience of everyone who has experienced sexual abuse. This is especially the case if the person who commits the abuse it is a family member or caretaker or friend or trusted religious figure or someone who’s not just a “stranger in the bushes” type. I wanted to try to capture that experience in this fic. Bucky has also been multiply victimized by multiple people over the course of his life, which adds to this complexity and creates an internal narrative for him. Like what does it mean that this keeps happening to him? This is also not an uncommon experience for people who have been abused as children. And there’s also the added piece of this that Bucky’s gay, right? So he’s got this very, very young sexuality that’s on the verge of blooming (your Disney sexuality perhaps, sitting close, holding hands, etc) and this older male is making sexual advances toward him, and so he might ask if this person “saw” something in him aside from his social isolation that made him choose him. These are certainly questions he’s tortured himself over. I will get more into all of this, I promise. 

Winnie and George undoubtedly knew that their kid wasn’t a very popular one. But perhaps they always knew that he was a kid who wasn’t destined to have many friends because he’s “sensitive” or however they would characterize him (I’m sure they had different ways of viewing him). And I think it’s important to take into account the type of household that Bucky was in and the way he would shape his behavior. George was this total wildcard — “Best Dad in the World” most days but a screaming, violent tyrant at these odd, unpredictable times that were fucking terrifying for everyone in his path. This is a house where it’s best just to shut up and create as few problems as you can, because you don’t want to be the one that dad is gonna flip his shit at. And so everyone is walking on eggshells and Bucky is going to get very good at lying about how bad things are. And oh! Jamie finally has a friend, how wonderful. There will be more details in upcoming chapters about how this all transpires, but I think the dynamics at home made it possible for a lot of this to happen. And you’re right that these were not the most skillful parents, and their marriage was very strained and stressful for everyone. And these fictional assholes also frustrate me! The emotional content can be hard to write. It’s one reason these past few chapters have taken me soooooo painfully long. 

Great questions! You are all so thoughtful and kind. Sorry again for getting so terribly sidetracked. I am going to keep plugging away at the chapter and at comments and asks. I’m optimistic that I will have the next chapter for you within the next two weeks. I am pleased with this chapter and hope you’ll like it. Thank you for being so patient!!! 

[theonceoverthinker]

Things I’d Like to See in Guardians of the Galaxy 3

What will a post-Endgame Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 be like? I’ve been thinking about that question since Endgame came out and while we’ve a lot of time to speculate before we get so much as a teaser for the film, I wanted to jump in with my two cents on stuff I’d like to see in the next film!

Points of full disclosure before the list beings: First, Endgame spoilers, obviously. Second, most to all of these involve my heart’s new owner, Nebula! I don’t know when it happened, but this blue bud won me over and I just want more of her and this list is gonna be reflective of that! Third, everything here is in no particular order!

Okay, with all that settled, here we go!

1. Rocket and Nebula being close friends. Rocket and Nebula worked together for five years, likely even living on the same ship. I expect when conflicts arise between the new team, Rocket and/or Nebula will take the other’s side. They’ve grown close and get each other on a level that’s so different than any of the other Guardian’s dynamics. They suffered horrible losses and had to live with that for five years of their lives. Even when they weren’t bogged down with their own troubles, they were with everyone else’s. I could see them sharing an opposing view of something Peter suggests given that Nebula and Rocket share a more...contentious relationship with him compared to the other Guardians and outside of them, Peter is the most serious member of the team.

2. Drax contemplating his life post-Thanos. Drax dedicated himself to avenging the loss of his wife and child by killing Thanos. Hell, given that one of his traveling companions was a literal daughter of Thanos and they were traveling as heroes, it’s not even that much of a stretch to think that he figured their paths would cross eventually. And now Thanos is dead, and not even directly by his hand. What’s that gonna do to Drax? Don’t get me wrong -- he’s happy that Thanos is gone and he feels like his family has been avenged, but that was his life’s mission and it’s done, but he’s still got a lot of living left to do. I’m not saying this needs to be a big part in the movie or anything, but I think a conversation between himself and Mantis or Nebula about it would a good way to give Drax a bit more depth and provide some closure for that part of his character.

3. Peter and Nebula bonding over Gamora. When Gamora died, both Peter and Nebula lost someone who meant virtually everything to them. And now they have a new Gamora, but she’s not the same as the one who they got so close to. That’s gonna breed a lot of weird feelings and Peter and Nebula will probably be the best two characters to explore those feelings. Can Peter love 2014 Gamora in the same way he loved 2018 Gamora? and will a completely different Gamora even want anything to do with him beyond being a temporary teammate, or will it be like that last episode of Teen Titans where Beat Boy had to let Terra go? That would be a pretty interesting ending and be in time with the general running theme of loss across the Guardians movies.

4. The Thor/Peter rivalry to settle down. I love rivalries as much as the next person, but this one’s run its course. It was cute in Infinity War, but the joke went on a bit too long for me at the end of Endgame. I really hope it doesn’t play a large part of the next movie. We got that with Peter and Rocket in Guardians 2, a film that did a great job taking on the concept of toxic masculinity, and I don’t think we need any more in place of more interesting story directions the film could take. Hell, going along with my third point, Thor would also be an interesting player in the greater discussion of loss given just how much he’s had to endure.

This is running a bit long, so here’s a cut to go under!

5. Some full circle thing for Groot. We have literally seen Groot throughout various stages of his life across these movies. Now in Guardians 3, he’ll likely be an adult again or at least damn close to an adult and I’d like to see something to cap that off in terms of his character. How is this Groot several films later and now parented by the Guardians different from his counterpart in the first film, especially because Groot was such a selfless character at the end of the first film? Maybe he’ll take care of another creature in the same vein as how the Guardians took care of him? That’s the first idea that comes to mind, but I’m sure there are others!

6. Nebula stays on the team. ...Look, i just like Nebula, okay?! I like her story, her development, her dynamics -- I just want to see her in more movies! Is that too much to ask? I don’t know what the next direction for Thor is, but it would make me really happy to see Nebula stick around!

7. Give Mantis more to do. Mantis plays such an interesting role in the team. She’s relatively new, still very inexperienced with social cues, but at the same time, has the power to bring dysfunction to the surface and it’s about time that was used more! Mantis has had so few moments to shine, especially compared to the other Guardians and I’m hoping Guardians 3 will give her a bit of the spotlight. How will she use her powers in relation to some of the tension going on around the new team? I think that’s a very interesting question to answer.

8. Positive moments between the Guardians. I like positive moments and the Guardians are due for some! So can we get a moment of them bonding over music or Rocket jokingly saying that he missed them or just some fun banter not completely based in sarcastic semi-bitterness? Because that would be cool!

9. New angles on Gamora’s dynamics with the team. We have a new Gamora! Let’s see how she interacts with the team under different circumstances. What will they be? It’s tough to say. There’s one level of tenseness gone in that most of introductions with the other Guardians happened during a big fight and then in prison. However, with that informality gone from such an informal greeting, there might be a lot more distrust there. Maybe she’ll be more initially friendly with Drax or Mantis! Maybe Nebula will have to once again be the more vulnerable sister! There are some really interesting possibilities to explore!

10. A thematically connected and character-based villain. Ego was a great villain in Guardians 2. His role as a “father” figure played an interesting role in Peter’s story, helped move Peter and Yondu’s reconciliation along, and was a strong and menacing presence. However, Ronan kind of sucked in Guardians 1. And by kind of sucked, I mean he REALLY sucked. He had no connection to the characters and was just a boss fight. So for Guardians 3, I’d like the villain to be more like Ego. How would I do it? Well, one idea that I have is that most of the Guardian’s main threats are now neutralized. However, the alternate Gamora likely won’t think so or see it that way. There are enemies she’s made that she might want a piece of or might want a piece of her, and she’s not going to have that restraint and compassion she’s developed over the two Guardians films to walk away from or ask for help dealing with them. And you could cross those enemies over with enemies of another member of the team’s for added effect. This would also cross over well into what will likely be a primary theme in this movie -- letting go. Peter and Nebula will have to let go of the notion that this Gamora will ever be exactly like the one that they knew and her new identity is one that needs to be respected. Drax will need to let go of his drive for Thanos in lieu of a new passion. And Gamora will need to let go of her hatred of these enemies and her expectation of total independence and understand that neither of those things is healthy. That sounds like a good villain layout to me!

So, what are your thoughts  on this list and what would you like to see?

[josiecarioca]

What are OTP and NoTPs away from Snape?

Hello, Anon! 

I assume your question refers to th HP universe, instead of a more general approach to shipping (because if we´re gonna go into all the couples I ship or dislike, this could get super long). So I´ll stick to HP.

Right off the bat I gotta say I was never very invested into the romantic side of the HP (I know, ironic considering what I currently write). I just didn´t connect with any of the love stories. To be entirely honest, I always found the grown up characters more interesting than the kids, and the teenage romances presented were honestly kind of boring (I mean, cute, but…meh). So when it came to couples I liked I gravitated more towards the adults. 

So I guess my Harry Potter OTPs would be: 

Arthur/Molly: in my honest opinion, along with Andromeda and Ted,  the only happy love story done *right*, as in I could see why they were togehter, and how they functioned as a couple, and enjoy their interactions.

Andromeda / Ted: Much like Arthur and Molly, a mature, happy romance done right. And they seem to have their shit a bit more  together than the Weasleys too (they have figured  out sensible family planning and birthcontrol for one). They´re a “forbidden love story” that ended in a stable, loving and devoted marriage. Which you don´t see often in literature. Overall, the only couple in the series I can say is “relationship goals”.

Dumbledore/Grindelwald: from the little canon gave us you could tell there was something epic, tragic and alluring in this one. Also I´m always eager to see Dumbledore being shown in a more human, flawed perspective. It´s just the kind of tortured, tragic, toxic romance that makes for great literature.

Salazar Slytherin/Rowena Ravenclaw: This one has absolutely NO canon evidence to suport it, and I know very few people beside me ship it. I just love the possibilities. I always wondered about Helena´s conflict with her mother and how shallow it felt on the surface. It made me wonder if there wasn´t anything deeper. Maybe Helena inherited her father´s ambition, maybe her conflict with her mother was all about Rowena siding with Godric on the matter of Salazar´s exile. From there I started to imagine this sad tale of a married couple torn apart by ideology and politics, and the effect of it on their only daughter. Then I shipped it. Hard. It´s the only non SeverusxEvelyn pairing I actually write.

Lucius/ Narcissa: They love each other, got each other´s backs and love their son to death. They just happen to be complete assholes as well. Sure they´re dysfunctional in many ways, but they have the power couple vibe about them. I also find it interesting that two of the bad guys get to have the kind of romantic dynamic we usually expect from the good guys. Lucius and Narcissa are horrible, but they love each other.

NOTPs (as usual I´m not gonna elaborate because I don´t want to invite any debate on these. )

James / Lily. From the moment James used the “go out with me or I´ll continue torturing your friend” card, I knew nothing would ever make me see anything remotely salvageable about this pairing. I don´t even care to elaborate on all the reasons why I despise it, but sweet baby Jesus, I do loathe it with a passion.

Lupin / Tonks. This one is just a whole lotta nope to me. Their entire dynamic is just…ugh.

Anything involving professors and students (yes, even as adults). I´ve elaborated on this one before. 

[memecatwings]

I know I said I was going to outline a rewrite for Misfits and I'm doing it so take that executive dysfunction I also compiled a playlist of songs I think best depict the aesthetic of my rewrite so here it is

Ok first off everything past season 3 is just straight up SCRAPPED there were so many horrible gay jokes, and rape jokes as well as transphobia, misogyny, and literal instances of rape so it’s going out the window i accept NONe of it  except Abby the lesbian, Abby the lesbian can stay

Plot-wise,,, nothing much happens in the show aside from interacting with other super-powered people. There really isn’t any suspense or intrigue, I doubt I would have stuck around as long as I did without Robert Sheehan’s chaotic fun energy. And what are the police even doing? They should be able to connect how many people are going missing from the community center, trying to evade the police should be a bigger deal than it’s shown to be in the show, it should be an ongoing challenge that they face not just a one-time thing.

So basically what I’m saying is that after the second probation worker, the police start to take a closer look into the community center, they keep a close eye on the people who spend time there, maybe the cop who arrested Curtis gets assigned the task and that causes some tension. 

Mainly what I wanted to overhaul were the characters and their arcs. I feel like they weren’t really explored to their full potentials and it really disappointed me especially where Nathan and Curtis’ characters were concerned. None of the characters were really done any justice but I was most upset about those two so that’s where most of my notes are. I was mainly upset about the whole thing where they sold their powers, and then bought back completely different powers, I felt like that cheapened the whole thing where the superpowers were specifically tailored to each person's insecurities and fears. Having a power that is the physical manifestation of your insecurities was a good way to address those issues that the characters have and help them overcome them I don’t know why you would throw that away especially when you haven’t even taken the time to develop them. So I’d like to ditch that entirely. There still is a point where they sell their powers because that in and of itself wasn’t bad, it teaches them to appreciate what they were given, but they get the exact ones back. Basically, all of the events that happen are the same except the ones I specify in the following:

Curtis Curtis’ arc and his ability to rewind time reflect his inability to accept things the way they are. He’s living in the past, he’s so focused on the past that he can’t see what’s right in front of him. He needs to learn how to focus on the present and future. His arc should also reflect overcoming prejudices against him as well as that. The cop who arrested him was also black so if that same cop where to be investigating the community service crew it would provide a chance to discuss racial biases in law enforcement as well as police brutality. It results in a “fuck cops” message in the end but it would be a good chance to at least address the fact that the only reason Curtis was there is because of his skin color in more explicit terms.  Because Curtis is so focused on the past, he doesn’t have any goals for the future. I did really like the point where he had gender fluidity as a power I thought that was a good development for him. It was a chance for him to confront his own toxic masculinity and misogyny, and he comes out of it at the end a more understanding and empathetic person who’s ready to let go of his past. Once Seth gets the rewind time ability back Curtis switches back to his original power, I thought it was cheap that they had Curtis give up gender fluidity because he got pregnant (what even was that honestly is that even possible? It didn’t sound right but I don’t know enough about impregnation to dispute it), so instead of giving it to the iguana it goes back to Curtis, who is shown to be responsible with it. After he gets it back he manages to learn how to control it to its fullest extent. Another thing I thought was cheap was the way the show treated the sexual assault of men, I can’t go into it fully but here’s a great video essay on the subject. Anyways, Alecia did rape Curtis, and that’s not okay. While Alecia learned her lesson on misusing her power, what she did to Curtis should not have just been written off, Curtis was right to be upset with her and that shouldn’t have ended with them as a couple in my opinion.  The last thing I would change where Curtis is concerned is that I think Curtis should have been the man in the mask, not Simon. Curtis has the athletic history, he’s got the right metal profile, he’s got the ability to time travel, and, most of all, vigilante justice would provide what he was looking for when he gave up running: a purpose and a future beyond bartending. Maybe he goes back in time to warn them all about the evil milk guy, he was the only person immune to his lactose powers. After saving Alecia from that video game guy (Tim? Was Tim his name?) he goes back to his time but not before warning them about Milk Man. And the reason Future Curtis survived Tim(?) was that he wasn’t a dumbass and wore a bulletproof vest. 

Alecia  Alecia’s got a lot to unpack and it’s very clear that she was treated like shit by the writers. Her power was the physical manifestation of her belief that her value as a person is proportional to the number of people who want to have sex with her. She’s internalized this toxic mindset to such a high degree that she developed a superpower over it. Her character arc should revolve around her unlearning that mindset. She needs to stop viewing herself as a sex object and start viewing herself as a person. That journey of self-discovery and growth should start after Curtis rejects her for using her power on him without his consent. It kick-starts a realization in her that using her power on people is essentially raping them, even if they don’t remember it. So she stops and focuses her time on finding someone who can either get rid of her power or is unaffected by it. Alecia is the one who finds Seth first and sells her power. The main point of her arc should be that while statistically, men are more likely to perpetrate sexual assault, women can too and it’s neither okay or funny. After getting rid of her power Alecia shows a lot of regret for the way she used it when she first got it and pays Seth extra to get rid of it entirely because no one should be able to use that power.  Now let’s look at Alecia’s romance with Simon. As a concept, it isn’t bad, but the way it was executed was kind of horrible. It reduced Alecia to an object, a damsel in distress. She had no agency of her own she was just the mourning girlfriend and I hated that. If the masked man wasn’t Simon and didn’t tell her she fell in love with him, she never would have fallen in love with him and that’s the truth. Their relationship is basically a self-fulfilling prophecy that just resulted in the two of them being stuck in this time loop where one of them dies and the other overcome with grief and it’s just not healthy. Take that aspect away from their relationship and it wouldn’t be all that bad. So what I propose is Alecia helps Simon with murder cover-ups and gives him dating advice because she’s highly socially intelligent. Alecia is a people person and is good at reading body language so she could tip Simon off when something’s wrong. Over time they end up falling in love because they both see each other as real people, not just “hot girl” and “creepy nerd guy”.  They both wind up helping Curtis with his vigilante operation, Alecia being recon while Simon is tech. 

Simon Simon’s ability to turn invisible represents how he feels whenever he tries to make friends or interact with a group he wishes to be a part of, which is why before he can control it, it activates only when the rest of the group ignores him. Simon’s arc should be about breaking out of his shell and learning to assert himself in social situations especially against the bullies he faces. He needs to find a group of people who listen to his opinion and take him seriously, he spends the show attempting to impress the others and gain their approval and he does gain their attention and approval. He gains it after repeatedly keeping the police off their trail. In this version, Simon getting seduced by the probation worker goes marginally less successfully because of Alecia’s advice. She still ends up dead by accident but Alecia was involved as well and helps Simon get rid of the body and clean up the blood. As I’ve already established, I don’t like Simon as the masked man. Simon’s personality is more suited for tech support, just because he breaks out of his introvert shell and makes a few friends doesn’t mean he goes around jumping off of buildings now he’s still an introvert.  Something else I think the show should have gone into deeper is Simon’s history of being bullied. The way Nathan, specifically, treats Simon should have been a bigger issue. In this version, maybe Alecia tries to convince Simon to stand up for himself and confront Nathan over what he says, stand his ground y‘know. And maybe there’s some sort of emergency with his sister, with his emotions being so high strung while his sister is in trouble he snaps and calls the rest of the gang out on how they’ve treated him. They eventually apologize and Nathan encourages Simon to mock him back rather than just standing there and taking it.  Simon does find respect and friendship in the community service gang and the power of friendship gives him the strength to finally confront his childhood bully. Maybe it happens by Curtis saving him and Simon, knowing who he is, tracks him down and lets the guy Have It. Maybe he breaks the dude's nose too but who’s keeping track. The point is, Simon’s sister is ok, he’s got a partner who respects him, he’s a superhero, and he’s living his best life. 

Kelly Kelly was pretty short-changed by the show in my opinion. Kelly’s ability reflects that she struggles with self-acceptance, she’s so worried about what other people think about her that she doesn’t think about herself. Her arc should be about accepting yourself for who you are and not caring about what other people think of you. Kelly is highly emotionally intelligent and that shows in the way she handles relationships, she knows what she wants, she doesn’t accept people keeping important secrets, and she’s good at keeping personal secrets personal. She’s an excellent confidant. I wish the show had gone into Kelly’s relationship with the hair girl more. That was an interesting budding friendship that showcased Kelly’s want to help people. By hearing people inner thoughts, Kelly learns she can help people overcome their issues and become better people. I think she’d make an excellent Mom Friend. I also think because she’s hearing everyone’s thoughts all the time, she’d take up an interest in psychology. She can help Simon keep the police off of their trail while diffusing serious fights amongst the gang and ensuring nobody keeps any major secrets. And helping her friends sort out their personal issues and shit could help her with her own shit. She learns that everyone struggles with self-acceptance and that the best way for her to live is to just not care what other people think about her. She becomes unapologetically herself over the course of the story.  I liked the way Kelly’s relationship with Nathan resolved so that can stay it’s an important message that men and women can just be regular friends. Not just regular friends, they’re Best Friends. Nathan’s got a lot going on psychologically and Kelly is the only person he can talk to because he doesn’t even need to talk she just hears his thoughts and shares her own in return. She’s trustworthy with a secret when she knows it’s supposed to be a secret.  After community service, she goes off to get a degree in psychology.

Nathan My biggest beef, my largest cow you might say, with the tv show is how spectacularly disappointing Nathan’s entire character was. There was a lot they had to work with with him and they did nothing, they barely scratched the surface with how deep his character could have gone. Nathan is the one character whose power is never explained. It’s not really shown why Nathan developed this specific power. With everyone else, it’s pretty easy to infer why they got what they did but with Nathan, there’s practically nothing to work with so I took creative license this is mine now.  So why does Nathan develop immortality? Why is he literally impossible to kill? Well, it’s established that he’s wildly desperate for his mothers' attention and love, it’s to the point where he tries to chase off all of her boyfriends because he thinks that her loving them means she loves him less but that is a Whole Separate can of worms, but because he’s so desperate for attention it’s not outside the realm of possibility that he might have attempted suicide as a cry for help. I’d guess some time in his late teens (?) he may have OD’d at a party but when he woke up in the hospital nobody was there. The nurse told him that his emergency contacts couldn’t be reached and so he came to the conclusion that nobody would notice, or care if he died. That idea stuck with him and terrified him to the point where, when he developed a superpower, it was Not Dying so he wouldn’t have to worry about no one caring if he’s dead. His ability to see ghosts is also a weird thing that’s not really explained it might just be a side effect of dying and coming back to life. It’s also not established if Nathan has eternal youth as well as immortality, he could be looking at a Jack Harkness situation. It is possible though, that dying kind of resets his body to the state it was in when he got struck by the lightning that gave him his power. So he ages until he dies and then he turns young again or something like that. In addition to Nathan’s power, my other beef is with how his character arc was ended. It was wildly out of character with what was established with him. Nathan Young is a character who is controlled by his fears of emotional intimacy and commitment as well as an extreme amount of performative masculinity and what could be interpreted as internalized homophobia. He’s also got a whole cocktail of parental issues (he would rather be arrested than accept help from his dad) that mean, while he does like kids, he probably has a major fear of becoming a parent. The kind of person with those issues would not commit to a relationship with a pregnant woman, adopt her child, and get hitched in Vegas I’m sorry but I’m not buying it I don’t accept it. That’s canceled. It’s broke.  Another thing I’d like to change is the plot line with his brother. That bit was an excellent chance to bring to light the fact that Nathan is definitely bi. If Nathan’s brother came out to him as gay it would get him to consider his own sexuality in a way he hadn’t done before. It would get him to recognize that all of the homophobic jokes and the picking on Simon are because he’s insecure about his attraction to men and he’s afraid of other people recognizing that attraction and turning him into a target for violence. So he acts in a way he believes to be as Straight As Possible in order to avoid that outcome. All of the Adorkable Misogyny that Nathan takes part in is just a front to cover his own fears that if he doesn’t act that way someone Will hurt him and Nathan is all about self-preservation. Nathan manages to get over a lot of his fears and insecurities just by having good friends, honestly. He talks to Kelly a lot and she helps him work through shit. But it does take a while, it’s a slow going process trying to convince someone who turns everything into a joke as a coping mechanism to take his feelings seriously.  I feel like Nathan would be the kind of person to go on a backpacking trip across the world to “Find Himself” once his community service is over. Kelly offered to let him stay in her flat until he found a job but he declined because he didn’t want to rely on her. Also what job would he even get? He would inevitably end up blowing his brains out on live television for a living and that's just a given. So in the end, Nathan’s arc would be about emotionally maturing. 

As far as other characters go, mainly it’s the same except everyone introduced after season 3 is canceled except for Abby but especially Alex. Alex can drop dead. Abby is allowed to stay but the whole thing with the tortoise? Wack. That was weird and it’s scrubbed. I hated Fin too tbh. Jess is cool as long as she isn’t dating Rudy. And between Curtis having Zero Tolerance for sexual harassment behavior that ideally would transfer over to the other male characters, and Nathan’s newly accepted bisexuality, there’s no room for any of Rudy’s shitty behavior.  I like the superpower support group thing that was cool that can stay too. Seasons 4 and 5 would ideally consist of attempting to evade the police and interacting with the support group.  And controversial opinion probably but I think I’d end it with them getting caught or at least going on the run.

[magenta-storm]

So, even though I haven’t seen season 3 or 4 yet thanks to it still not having aired here yet, I decided to watch The Originals finale. I’d already inadvertently ran into so many spoilers over the years I just gave up and decided to rip the bandaid off quickly rather than try to remain unspoiled for fuck knows how much longer. (insert it’s been 84 years gif) Especially since I’d already seen people saying it was inevitable that at least one of my boys had to die.

So after spending like 4 hours and nearly blowing up my internet to find a way past the geoblocking because I fail at technology forever, I watched it. Mixed feelings abound.(though at least one upside is it’s made me less impatient for s3 to hurry up and air because I couldn’t take watching it in the near future anyway)

Ultimately I can’t say I hated it, but I definitely think it could have been executed better. It seemed rushed to me, and it seemed that everyone just gave up way too easily and accepted that there was no way out but death. But even though I’m disappointed in the laziness of basically having everyone act like they knew they were in their series finale rather than trying to fight and live as they’ve done every time they’ve faced problems like that in the past, I can’t say I’m too disappointed in the actual outcome.

In a perfect world I would have preferred a happy ending, with everyone alive and together, but I never thought there was much chance of that happening. That thought was cemented by the announcement of Legacies. So I’d pretty much already accepted this outcome weeks ago.

I’m definitely pissed as fuck that this stupid spinoff no one asked for is the reason why half the Mikaelsons have to die right now, but I’m not mad that Klelijah dying together was the ultimate endgame.

I’ve seen so many people screaming on twitter that it was the absolute worst ending possible, and fair enough. I can see why a lot of people would see it like that. And there’ve been times when I’ve considered the possibility and agreed that I would hate an ending where they both died. But then considering the other possible terrible endings I’ve tortured myself by imagining for the last couple of years, all I can say is, lol those people have no imagination because I’m thankful as hell she only killed them.

There are so many other scenarios I can think of that would have been truly sadistic. I've been scared for ages it could end with the whole family separated in a massive never-going-to-speak-again feud. Or separated by force like the end of season 3 & 4, but permanently.

If the last shot of season 4 had been the series finale, with Klaus longingly staring at a happy Elijah who doesn’t know who he is, holy fuck I would legitimately have hurled myself into the fucking sun. Yes, I cried for like 3 hours over the finale but they were a mixture of sad and happy tears. If s4 or anything like it had been the end, I’d have been furious as well as sad and I would never get over it and I mean never, oh boy I would still be enraged on my deathbed.

If one had died without the other, maybe I could have accepted if it were done just right but I think I would have found it a crapton more upsetting, even if it was done well. If it was done poorly then, again - endless rage and disappointment.

It’s crossed my mind before that if they wanted to be really horrible they could kill Rebekah instead and emotionally destroy the entire family.

My worst nightmare was that it would end with Klaus and Elijah separated after a massive ‘that’s it I’m done I hate you & there’s no way back from this’ level fight. Or even worse, one actually killing the other after such a fight. If that had happened *shudders* My soul would have fucking shriveled up and died. Straight up disintegrated into ash like they did lol

Lots of people have been saying that them deciding they don’t need each other anymore would've been the best ending. I understand that argument intellectually but emotionally, I hate that idea so so much. An ending with any of the Mikaelsons getting over their codependency would hurt so much and piss me off. As it is I am a bit distressed was Rebekah left behind, but at the same time I can hardly be mad they didn’t kill her before she got to marry Marcel. And she is going to take the cure so she will be joining them reasonably soon.

And like, of course I agree that kind of co-dependency is bad and not to be aspired to in real life duh, but for my thousand year old, dysfunctional even before they were vampires vampire family? It’s who they are and I couldn’t and wouldn’t want to imagine them without that trait. They’re absolutely terrible clingy, unhealthy messes and that’s why I love them. They wouldn’t be them if they suddenly stopped being borderline incestuous walking disaster areas.

I have seen. just. so many. people say that the conclusion should have been for Klaus and Elijah to break their codependency and I just. ??? I don’t even know why someone would like the show or the characters if they really found their bond to be toxic and ugly instead of um, toxic and beautiful lol.

I mean, if there’d been an ‘everyone lives happily ever after’ ending then sure it would have been nice to see their dynamic get a little healthier. But since that was never gonna happen and there had to be a death, it makes sense they wanted to go together.

I definitely have a problem with the plot holes & general sloppiness of the whole thing. It’s clear Plec dumped The Originals in the garbage as soon as she got the go ahead for her new show about damaged teenage orphan Hope and the inevitable ‘how will she ever choose between the ten guys fawning over her’ drama *eyeroll*

The finale was definitely rushed and it is bullshit that Klaus said a proper goodbye to whoever the chick from The Vampire Diaries was and not, oh I don’t know, his goddamn son!!

Elijah’s goodbyes were rushed as well, didn’t even see him hug Freya for fuck’s sake. It should have been a two-parter if they couldn’t manage their time better than that.

But the last scene itself felt like the right ending for the characters. Ideally, it wouldn’t be under those specific circumstances, but I don’t see it as the wrong decision to have them die together.

Also, most of the people I’ve seen mad about the ending were 110% on board with Elijah dying and didn’t care about him at all and are only mad that Klaus died too. Like sure, people are entitled to their opinions and favourite characters but it seems like most of those complainants thought the plot holes and rushed-ness were A-OK when they thought it would only be Elijah who died and didn’t care about how Klaus would feel being left without him. And a little petty part of me is happy those people are mad about the ending because how can you claim to be a Klaus stan if you value his relationship with one of the most important people in his life that little? I love Elijah a fraction more than Klaus but if Elijah had died and not Klaus I wouldn’t just be upset my favourite character died, I would also be upset for Klaus losing him and I would be wishing that neither of them died, not that Klaus had died instead.

Also, a big part of why I can accept their deaths is a) we know there is an afterlife where they can be together and happy and b) said afterlife is constantly treated like it has a revolving door in this ‘verse. It’s really not that hard to just imagine that everything is fine in the end as either the rest of the family eventually joins them or that they might find a way to resurrect them.